


Missed me? (Ghost!Gavin AU)

by CrazyMadInsane



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Ghosts, Injury, Language, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-01-20 06:06:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1499477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyMadInsane/pseuds/CrazyMadInsane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael had become accustomed to hearing his British boyfriend bouncing around the flat all hours of the day, watching TV, yelling at a game, injuring himself in some way. However, when said boyfriend has been dead for two years… That’s something else entirely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So I’ve had this idea for so long now and I finally decided to sit down and write it, this will hopefully be a multi chapter fic depending on popularity. This is my first Achievement Hunter/Rooster Teeth fic, and I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think :)

It had been an accident, he was told. Gav had been filming a Slo Mo Guys with Dan in England when it had happened, he'd been filming a video involving an explosion, but when it had gone off the lanky man had been a bit too close and been struck in the abdomen with a fragment of brick. He'd been fine at first, just a little winded and slightly bruised, or so he'd said down the phone that night to Michael. "I'm fine, Micool." The Brit had whined. "Mum wanted to go to the hospital, but I'm not dying or anything and I feel fine after a little rest." And that was that. Everything was fine, Michael would have his Boi back in less than a week and it would all be fine.

Except it wasn't. The first sign something was wrong was when the caller ID said Mrs. Free rather than Gavin. Gavin's mother never called him, they'd only met twice and she only had his number in case Gav wasn't answering his own phone. Answering it almost reluctantly, the curly haired man pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Michael... I- It's Gavin's Mum... I just...” That was the second sign something was up. The woman on the other end of the phone was sobbing heavily, barely taking a breath before another heavy sob shook her voice. Without even knowing why, Michael's eyes had filled with tears, he couldn't say anything to comfort the woman, but silently begged her to hurry up and tell him what was wrong. Was Gavin hurt? Was he okay? Why was she calling instead of him? So many questions filled his mind that he almost missed the few words that came through the line between heart wrenching cries. 'Gavin is dead.'

It was like being dumped under water, almost, sounds around him blurred and fuzzed. He was vaguely aware of someone still talking on the end of the phone, explaining what had happened. He didn't take any information in after that, he simply hung up the phone and sat on the floor for the rest of the night. He stared at the door for hours the next day, waiting for it to open and his British prick to walk through, it didn't happen. It came to the point where he had to build up the courage to call Mrs. Free back, and with that came the same feeling as the previous night. He'd been fine all night after the incident, apparently, though in the morning he'd been sporting an impressive purple and blue bruise covering most of his stomach. After that he complained of pain in his stomach, though refused to go and get it checked in favour of filming a Microwave catching fire in slow motion. By the day after that he could barely leave bed because of his pain, and spent most of it sleeping. The bruise was spreading also, now passing around his sides and further up his chest. It had been internal bleeding, a result of the blunt force trauma two days before, it was severe and killing him quickly... By the time an ambulance was called, it was too late. Too much damage was caused and he slipped away before help arrived.

Michael couldn't believe it, a piece of rock, a piece of rock had taken his Boi away from him. For hours he sat staring at the floor, trying to wrap his head around what would happen now. He couldn't bring himself to do anything other than stand, because if he did anything, he would be reminded that he was doing it without Gavin. Just like he would be for the rest of his life now.

He cried, he mourned. He flew to England with Geoff and Burnie, they'd arranged a memorial service in the lad’s home country for the family and friends there, but ultimately Gav had wanted to be buried in Austin, his home. Surprisingly Mrs. Free agreed to let her son go, "It's where he truly belongs." She'd said, clasping Michaels hand with sympathy. He planned Gavin's funeral in America with the help of the Ramsey's, it was simple and as small as you can get with an entire company attending. He mourned some more, got angry, fought with his friends when they tried to help. He lay awake often wondering what would be if Gavin had simply went to hospital when it happened, but he soon learnt the what if's were too much to contemplate.

Slowly but surely, Michael taught himself to live without his other half. Every now and then he would still wake up expecting to feel a body against his, sometimes he'd still turn to his Boi during a let's play only to find his spot empty, and once, Michael could have sworn he'd seen Gavin walking to the warehouse where Ryan worked, but none the less, he forced himself to move forward and forget. It was for the best.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meow

Michael scrunched up his face in annoyance when he heard the sound that woke him at the same time, every morning without fail.

Meow

"I know, I'm coming." The man groaned, pushing himself up on his elbow as he used his hand to rub his face and hopefully wake himself up a little. Opening his eyes and blinking sleepily, he acknowledged the presence of the grey cat by scratching it behind the ear. That didn't last long however, the cat itself got impatient and meowed louder, pawing at Michael's hand indicating it wanted the routine morning feed. "You're so impatient aren't you?" He huffed, swinging his legs out of the bed and onto the carpeted floor.

The walk to the kitchen from the bedroom was a short one, and he grinned at the sound of purring as he spooned food into a dish for the animal that had trotted contentedly behind him. "There you go, Tuna, breakfast." The dish was set down on the floor and Michael smiled warmly, remembering the day that Gavin had convinced him to get the thing.

   
 _"But Micool..."_

_"But Miicooool...” He imitated in a high pitched voice, rolling his eyes and turning for the exit._

_"Michael, wait!" Gavin yelped, catching his boyfriends arm and pulling him back over to the little glass pen full of mewling kittens. Michael had known it was a mistake to let the British man look in the pet store, he knew this would happen. The man was like a kid, he couldn't go five fucking minutes without wanting to buy something, and then begging Michael to buy it for him._

_"Gav, I said no, we live in a fourth floor apartment, it's tiny, and we both work all day five days a week and you can barely look after yourself let alone a kitten!"_

_It took mere seconds for Gavin's wide eyes to get impossibly wider and a small pout form. "I'll look after it, look-" His hand flew out and pointed out the only grey cat in the pen, all the others were black and white, some with a rare patch of brown. "She's lovely, look."_

_An hour and a half later the boys were sat on their sofa watching the tiny thing explore her new home. "I'm going to call her Tuna." Gavin announced proudly, and Michael didn't even to bother to question it, because by now he was used to his partner having odd names for everything, and it just wouldn't have been the same if she was called anything remotely normal. Like mittens or fluffy._

_"Tuna, I love that."_

He tried to smile at the memory because it had Gavin in it, and it was a happy time for them, but it was difficult. It had been two years, to the day, since Gavin had left him, and it was still hard to think of him without falling apart. Taking one last look at the cat, munching happily on its namesake, he left the room to go and get ready for another day at work.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Let's stop!" Geoff called, pulling off his headphones with a heavy sigh and spinning in his chair to face the rest of the room. Everyone was slowly ending their capture and beginning the process of sending the footage through to Lindsay for her to edit. "Alright, assholes, who wants lunch?" He specifically eyed Michael as he asked the question and the curly haired man had a feeling he knew why.

"I'm in... Free food right?" Ray grinned, not yet looking away from his screen that was until he was met with a chorus of agreements from the rest of the room. Well everyone except Michael. "You in Michael?" The Puerto Rican asked carefully, glancing at Geoff with an unsure gaze.

Honestly, he couldn't blame them all for worrying so much, after all it was an anniversary, and after last year when he'd decided it would be a good idea to skip work and drink all day, he would be watching him too. "No thanks, guys. I think I'm gonna use the free time to get ahead on some recordings." The smile he gave them was meant to be reassuring and firm, though he was certain it came across as uncertain and forced.

"Are you sure?" A different voice chimed in this time, Ryan. "I mean, I'm not so sure about letting you starve."

"I'll be fine, I promise to grab something later." This time he turned away from the rest of the room, making it known his decision was final. A tense moment of silence, in which Michael was sure the four other men were glancing between each other uncertainly, passed, and finally they all collected their things and began to leave. They were almost out of the door when Michael heard his name called softly, looking up from loading a game he noticed Ray alone in the doorway, his gaze darting around the room in a terrified way, he was wringing his hands just a little. If he were any more nervous, Michael is sure he'd be shaking. "Yes, Ray?" He hadn't meant it to sound so impatient, and immediately regretted the way his friend flinched.

Sending him an apologetic look, Brownman took a few steps forward and hesitantly laid a hand on Michael's shoulder. "I really miss Vav too..." He whispered. "Everyone does, but separating yourself won't make you feel better at all." The pleading look in Ray's eyes matched with the words coming from his mouth were almost enough to make the strongest of men cry, yet Michael refused to admit there were tears in his eyes. "Please come to lunch."

After a moment of thought, Michael looked back to his TV screen. "Sorry, X-Ray, but I'm gonna do some recordings. Maybe tomorrow." He didn't see Ray leave, but he heard the quick footsteps and the door shut, not quite a slam but harder than normal.

When he was certain he was alone, Michael looked over to the ever-present desk next to his. "Everybody misses you Gavvers."

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

At the end of the day he was greeted by soft meowing and rubbing from Tuna, which he'd become accustomed to. He went through his usual routine of finding something microwaveable to eat, zapping it, and only eating half of it because he didn't feel hungry enough, and subsequently feeding whatever he could of the rest of it to the cat. He showered, a nice long hot shower that relaxed his muscles, probably aching from whatever brawl (because there is bound to have been one) from that day at the Achievement Hunter office. He dried off and pulled on a Vav shirt that was a little too tight since it had belonged to the Vav himself, and some sweatpants. He wandered through to the kitchen and fed the cat for the second time, while making himself a cup of coffee. Once that was drained he found beer in the fridge and drooped onto the sofa, Tuna instantly curling up on his lap as he browsed Netflix for anything interesting to watch. Upon finding nothing, he settled for re-watching Breaking Bad, it's not like he was going to be paying any attention to it anyway, he could already feel himself start to drift off. The repetitive motion of his hand stroking the cat acting as a stress relief. As he neared the end of season one, he lay him down and closed his eyes, giving in to the exhaustion that was overcoming him. He didn't really care he was asleep on the sofa, nor did he care that there was a half empty beer bottle on the floor and three empty ones on the coffee table, he just wanted to sleep and have this day be over. Nothing particularly bad had happened, he had managed fairly well to keep it together, and it was the reminder he did not want to have to deal with anymore. His last thought as he left consciousness was of Gavin. He thought of him lying with him, curled in his arms like he might have two years and a day ago.

I really miss you Gavvy.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

He vaguely registered someone tutting in the distance, and then he heard glass clinking together as what he assumed were beer bottles were moved. Geoff, its Geoff. Michael thought his boss had been given a spare key the day they got back from England; he didn't want to take the chance of him doing something stupid. Not that the New Jersey lad was suicidal or anything, he just knew he had a tendency to drink his sorrows away and therefore not likely to turn up to work or any other important arrangements.

He only realised it was not Geoff when he heard Tuna hissing and growling violently, she never did that with Geoff. So that's when his heart leapt into his throat and he opened his eyes, sitting up to see a dark figure sat on the end of the sofa. It was almost pitch black outside, it couldn't be later than midnight, he concluded, so who was in his flat?

"Oh good you're awake!" Michael's heart dropped from his throat into his stomach upon hearing a familiar British accent. "Did you miss me, Micool?"


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His world was collapsing, along with his sense of reality. Gavin was really here. He was dead and yet he was still here, being his usual dumbass self and Michael had almost ignored that. Almost lost him twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a thing ;D  
> Here is chapter two of this story, and it took me forever to write because I kept deleting sections and rewriting them and I'm still not 100% happy with it but... Meh. I've decided I'll do weekly updates, Sunday's probably because it's the day before college/school so why not. I hope you enjoy it!

"Oh good you're awake!" Michael’s heart dropped from his throat to his stomach upon hearing the familiar British accent. "Did you miss me, Micool?"  
  
"Holy shit." Michael swallowed hard and instantly averted his gaze. Okay, so he was fucking insane, no big deal right? Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away. With a shockingly steady hand, he reached out to flick on a nearby lamp, and when the room was flooded with light he could only curse again but louder. There was Gavin, perched on the arm of the sofa, feet planted on the seat. He looked... Real, which is what scared the red haired man the most. If he didn't know any better he'd say Gavin hadn't been gone at all, the way he sat with his back straight, eyes wide and a large grin on his face. At least for now he seemed to be silent, which only served to convince Michael of his falseness.  
  
When was Gavin ever this quiet?

It must have been the alcohol, had to have been. He wasn't exactly drunk (let’s face it, it took more than four beers to do that to him) but he was slightly inebriated. Plus this wasn't the first time he'd seen him, was it? He thought back to that time at work, it had only been three months after the funeral and he had forced himself back to work. Despite the fact Geoff and all of the fans were completely understanding and willing to give him more time, he simply couldn't face an empty apartment any longer. He had been walking the short distance back to the office after retrieving a Redbull when he had seen a familiar flash of light brown hair and tan skin heading towards the warehouse. Without a thought he had sprinted after what he was sure was his boyfriend, but when he'd reached the large room and was met with only sympathetic looks from everyone in it, he decided perhaps it was too soon to be back at work.

He’d put that down to grief at the time, there had been no alcohol intake that day. So the drink, the bottles had been sat in his fridge for weeks now, perhaps they were off. Water. He should go and get a drink of water, and so with that goal in mind, Michael slowly stood from the sofa, legs unfolding and knocking Tuna off the seat in the process. Murmuring an apology to the animal, he all but sprinted to the safety of another room. When nothing followed him, the man took it as confirmation that it was all in his head. He grabbed a glass of water and drank it quickly, refilling it afterwards, better have one more to be safe.

The apartment he and Gavin had chosen to live in all those years ago was nothing special by any means, it had a kitchen, a bathroom, living room and a bedroom. There was a hallway going from the front door to the living room, which was relatively big. The kitchen was located behind a door immediately to your right when you walked in, and the bathroom to the left. The only thing was to get to the bedroom, you had to go through the living room. It had been something that Michael had never been bothered by until this moment, going through the living room meant facing his own creation again.  
  
He couldn't stay here, he knew that, and the longer he did the more his mind was starting to catch up with events. Gavin's on my sofa. The thought would not go away, he couldn't help the small swell of hope in his chest, the burst of need to go back and see him just one more time. He was being given a rare chance, what if it wasn't his mind and Gavin was really here. There was almost a smile on the young man’s face before the logical side of his brain cut in, it can't be him. He's dead.  
  
Edging round the doorframe as quietly as possible, the American decided he had to get to his room and shut this all out. He was met with an empty room as he peeked into the living room however, and he couldn't decide if he was relieved or upset by this turn of events. Of course he was glad he wasn't insane, but his boi had been right there. Close enough to touch, and he was talking in that stupidly loveable British accent, pronouncing his name in that ridiculous high pitched way. Gav was right there.  
  
Crazy or not, Michael felt like he'd missed a chance.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
  
He didn't feel any different when he awoke the next morning, thankfully in his bed. Michael got up and headed straight for the kitchen, pretending that he didn't scan the entirety of the flat on his way there because that would be crazy. That would be him thinking last night had really happened. After he was disappointed by the lack of Gavin anywhere but in his memories, he begrudgingly got on with his morning routine.  
  
Fed the cat, still no sign of anyone else. Showered, still no sign. Got dressed, ate breakfast, and drank coffee. Nothing. He would be lying to himself if he said he felt okay about all of this. Of course, freaking out a little last night when he'd first seen a dead man was a completely normal response, but now he'd slept on it and he was ready to... Proceed. However it is you're supposed to proceed in this kind of situation. But there was nothing.  
  
With a heavy heart, Michael had no choice but to leave for work, he'd already made himself half an hour late by just hanging around and waiting for nothing, he didn't want to make it worse.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
The day had passed quicker than the New Jersey boy could have hoped. They only filmed two videos that day, and Michael had actually really enjoyed both of them, yelling and shouting like everything was normal. He'd completely forgotten about the incident in his home last night. Lunch came and went, and as promised he joined some of the other Achievement Hunters on a trip to Taco Bell. It was fun, he and Ray had collectively bought way too much food and then had a bet on who could finish the most, Ray lost, and Geoff had looked on with the expression of an exhausted parent who no longer cared if his children are themselves into a coma, while Jack chose to pretend he didn't know the other three. Ryan hadn't been there as he'd stayed over lunch to work on some editing, his lunch had been whatever the lads did not eat.  
  
By the time they got back to the office Michael and Jack were engrossed in conversation about an achievement both men were trying to get in Dead Rising 3, so much so that they never noticed they were the only two to actually enter the office. "Where are the guys?" The younger man wondered aloud.  
  
"I know Geoff has gone to talk to Lindsay about behind the scenes this week." Jack answered, shrugging. "No idea about Ray, perhaps he's gone to the bathroom."  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised after all that Taco Bell." The lad snickered.  
  
With a noise of agreement, both men settled down to their own desks, powering up whichever piece of equipment and resuming the work they'd left before. It only took ten minutes before Jack was called out of the room because someone needed him somewhere- Michael hadn't been listening.  
  
Now it's not often the lad was left alone in the office for more than a few seconds, so he wasn't surprised when he heard the door open and close again, assuming it was one of his co-workers returning from an errand. However when he glanced at the door he nearly fell out of his chair. "HOLY SHIT!" There was nothing hushed about the way he yelled, ripping his headphones off and stumbling ungracefully to the other side of the room.  
  
Similarly, Gavin jumped three foot in the air in surprise, falling back against the door. "Jesus Michael!" He frowned, taking a moment to gather his senses before standing straight again. "You scared my knob out."  
  
Unlike the last time, the living man was a lot less quietly stunned about his dead lover's appearance. " _I_ scared _your_ knob out?" He took a step forward, straightening his back and balling his hands into fists. "Well I'm fucking sorry, I'll try to be more careful about when I fucking yell!" He didn't care he was still screaming above his normally loud volume, nor that it would likely be attracting outside attention.  
  
"Calm down." Gavin said, taking a small step forward, only to retreat when he was told to 'fuck off' by his partner. "You're being quite loud Micool..."  
  
"I don't give a shit!" Somehow the Rage Quitter managed to get even louder in his screaming. "I shouldn't even be talking to you, I'm going fucking insane." Expecting Gavin to respond, he paused, but the man just stood there with an impatient expression on his face. "What?"  
  
"I'm just waiting for you to finish yelling." Gavin replied with the smuggest expression humanely possible, and just as Michael opened his mouth to continue said yelling, the door swung open. Instead of the door passing straight through him, like one would expect when encountering a dead being, the wood smacked the Brit in the back, knocking him forwards onto the floor. Ray who had opened the door didn't react at all, he made a joke about how everyone assumed he was filming a rage quit due to the yelling and went for his desk. Michael could only focus on the heap of a person on the floor, when he'd fallen he had made contact with Michael's leg, and he had felt it. The oldest lad had felt the younger's hand hit him, and it felt as solid and as real as if Ray had backhanded him.

His world was collapsing, along with his sense of reality. Gavin was really here. He was dead and yet he was still here, being his usual dumbass self and Michael had almost ignored that. Almost lost him twice. There were one million different emotions bubbling inside of him, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to drop to his knees and embrace his lover or run from the room and hide somewhere for a very long time before he could deal with this.

Gavin was looking up at him from the floor with wide terrified eyes, he looked vulnerable and scared and there was nothing more Michael wanted to do than protect him like he couldn’t two years ago. He was well aware his mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water, but no words would come. There wasn’t a chance after that to make a choice because Ray had obviously noticed Michael’s odd behaviour. “You alright man?”

One moment, it couldn’t have been longer than that. He looked at Ray, faked a smile and nodded, and when he looked back there was nothing to see but carpet. For whatever reason that hit him harder than when he’d first seen him. He was gone again, and Michael had no way of knowing if what had happened was real or his imagination.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It took the rest of the day for him to feel even slightly better about the whole thing. Even when they had filmed a rather fun episode of Minecraft, he would still remain silent for long periods of time, often just looking back at the expanse of carpet where Gavin had been. All of the gents enquired about the silence, and the lad played it off as a small hangover and lack of sleep. Ray never said a word, but the looks he kept giving his friend were enough to convey the questions.

They carried on like that, mostly quiet conversation between them as various videos were filmed, edited or planned. Ryan and Geoff did the next let’s build, Ray did an achievement guide and then did a let’s play by request with Jack, and Michael… Michael barely got anything done.

When the end of the day finally rolled around, the office emptied slowly, first with Geoff and Ray, then Jack and lastly Ryan, parting with kind words and a warm comforting smile that the younger man couldn’t find a good enough response to.

As per usual he waited until everyone was gone before setting up his equipment for Rage Quit, feeling that he could probably do two or three tonight based on his day. Sure enough, he was half way through his second recording when he heard the door open. Confusion overcame him and he looked to the door, but no one was there. That was the last straw for him, he ripped off his headphones and stood, striding out of the office and searching the building. No one was here but him, so he jumped to the assumption his fucking dead boyfriend was playing games. “Gavin David Free.” He shouted, stopping his search just outside the office again. He waited, there was only silence. “Gavin!”

Giving up wasn’t his style, he knew the man was here and he was sick of this shit. Hands on his hips, a furious expression on his face, he waited. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes before the door behind him opened, and there he was, looking like a scolded child.

There was no question about it this time, he didn’t give a fuck if he was insane, and he didn’t give a fuck if Gavin was real or not, he needed him here. Michael grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him into a hug, burying his face in the crook of the man’s neck, he smelt like the shower gel Michael still kept in their bathroom, he was warm and solid and really there. He was hugging him back, solid arms around his waist, rubbing his back in a soothing way thanks to the tears he hadn’t realised he was crying.

“I’m here my little Micool,” The British man whispered, squeezing him tighter.

A nod was all Michael could respond with, struggling to think of what to say. “You won’t leave?” He mumbled into his skin.

“I would never leave you Michael, you’re my boy.”

They pulled back just slightly, arms still locked around each other’s bodies, almost afraid to let go for now. Gavin met Michael’s eyes, a small smirk gracing his lips, and the New Jersey boy had to smirk back. “You have a hell of a lot of explaining to do.” He scolded, frowning.

All Gavin did was giggle and nod an agreement, and it was the most beautiful sound Michael had ever heard.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What was my funeral like?” Gavin asked, his eyes wide with curiosity, and even though it hadn’t been the nicest thing for Michael to relive, he’d do anything for his boi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious Angst in this chapter guys.... I'm sorry. But on a lighter side, I hope you're still enjoying the story, cause I'm loving writing it! Enjoy..

"She's gotten so big!" Michael couldn't help but grin as he watched the British man shower attention on their cat. It became even funnier when the animal kept trying to claw its way out of the man’s grasp, clearly being squeezed that hard was uncomfortable. “Have you missed me?”  
  
After everything at the office, Michael had wasted no time in dragging Gavin back to the apartment, he had promised to explain and the curly haired man would rather have that done somewhere more 'safe' like his home. Ten minutes after getting home, though, and Gavin still wasn't finished cooing over Tuna, tickling her belly, stroking her ears, even making meowing noises at her. It was completely ridiculous to witness but utterly Gavin and if he woke up tomorrow to learn this was a dream, Michael would be happy in the knowledge that some form of his Gavvy was still alive somewhere, even if it was just his subconscious.  
  
"She's not gonna talk back you moron." He eventually dead panned, now growing impatient of the avoidance, there had been ample opportunity already for Gavin to talk and he hadn't taken any chance yet.  
  
"Oh, sorry Michael." Gavin let the mewling animal free and dropped his head, obviously aware what he'd been doing. "Well, where should I start?"  
  
"I don't know, Gavin! The beginning maybe?" When he was met with a confused look, Michael decided a different approach may be due. "Alright. How come you're here?"  
  
The question seemed to perk the dead man up a bit, obviously it was simpler for Gavin to answer question than it was for him to just explain. "Because I wanted to see you, I missed you, you sausage."  
  
Despite being annoyed at the vague answer, Michael still managed a small smile. Gav missed him too. "I guessed that, I meant, how can you even be here... You're dead." They both knew it was true, yet saying it out loud still made them flinch.  
  
There was a pause, it felt like years, but it was probably only minutes before Gavin sighed. “I don’t know, really.” He smirked at the annoyed expression on Michael’s face. “One minute I was in my bed in England and then I woke up in our apartment, and there was this bird who told me the ‘rules’.”  
  
“Gavin, you’re not making any fucking sense.” Michael frowned.

 “I guess I died in England and came back here.” The British man explained. “And when I woke up, this woman explained that I was dead and that I was allowed to go back and see people if I wanted to.”  
  
“So what about the rules?” Michael was still frowning, but it was less angry now and more confused. “Why are there rules?”  
  
“It’s so no one gets hurt. If you want to visit someone you have to wait until long enough after your death that it won’t affect their mental health or whatever.” While he explained, Gavin held his hand out and counted the rules on his fingers. “You can control who can see you, but that doesn’t mean you can just appear to a randomer on the street… It has to be someone who you had a connection with, like family, boyfriend, close friends.” He looked up and met Michael’s eyes, smiling softly. “And finally, if you’re gonna haunt someone, it has to be for a good reason otherwise you’re just being a knob.”  
  
It took the New Jersey man a few minutes to take in that information, and it just piled more and more questions on top of the ones he already had. Anything movies. Fairy tales and urban legends had taught him about ghosts and spirits was being completely contradicted by what his boyfriend was saying. “So you spent two years hanging around waiting for me to be less likely to go insane if you showed up?”  
  
“Yeah, basically.”  
  
“And you can make it so anyone can see you?” Michael sat forward a little, crossing one leg over the other knee.  
  
“As long as there was a good connection… Like, you can see me ‘cause we were boyfriends, my parents probably could, Dan, any of the guys from work-“  
  
“Have you seen anyone else?” The American interrupted, unable to hold himself back. After two year of being unable to talk to Gavin, he was hardly going to be patient.  
  
An almost guilty look crossed Gavin’s face and he reached his hand out to pet Tuna, who had come back to climb on her old owner’s lap. “I went to see Dan about a month ago.” There was a slight bubble of jealousy from the shorter man, he wasn’t sure why, it’s not like Gavin hadn’t come to see him. It was just the fact someone else had come before him. “Sorry, Micool, I wanted to make sure he wasn’t blaming himself like an idiot.”  
  
Michael at least made the effort to nod, he did understand he supposed, Dan had been right there when Gavin died, surely the guilt must have been killing him. “I suppose for once in your life you did something considerate, I shouldn’t really be mad at you.”  
  
“But it wasn’t in my life, I’m dead.” Gavin snickered at his little joke and stared down at the cat again.  
  
Michael took the moment of silence to ask another question he’d been wondering about since their encounter at the office. “Hey, you remember today when Ray knocked you over with the door?” He waited for Gavin to nod before continuing. “How come it didn’t pass straight through you like it’s supposed to, and you can touch me and the cat?”  
  
“I dunno, I never thought to ask about that.” Gavin’s face was that of confusion as he stopped to think. “It’s just always been that way, I think it has something to do with the fact we’re not really ghosts.” He shrugged. “More like… Dead but still here.”  
  
“Dead but still here.” Michael snickered. “You’re a fucking idiot.”  
  
“You know what I mean! I’m dead… But like, I’m still here like a person would be.” As he talked, he was gesturing his hands all over the place, motioning to himself and to things he could touch.  
  
“Alright, in some fucked up way you’re sort of making sense.” Michael chuckled, his heart was aching in the best kind of way, like he almost wanted to cry just from pure happiness. Every time Gavin spoke he had to grin, even if he was saying the stupidest shit.  
  
“Michael!”  
  
“What?” The American blinked, unaware he’d been off in his own world.  
  
“What was my funeral like?” Gavin asked, his eyes wide with curiosity, and even though it hadn’t been the nicest thing for Michael to relive, he’d do anything for his boi.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
 _“It’ll be okay buddy.” Michael looked over to Geoff when a hand was placed on his shoulder and mustered the best smile he could. It was more like a grimace of pain however._  
  
 _They hadn't been here long, only about five minutes and the Ramsey's were still trying to convince Michael to enter the damn church, somehow he felt if he did he was accepting it… Not that he could really deny it anymore._  
  
 _He watched Griffon say something to Geoff before heading off without them, leaving them alone. Michael was still leaning on the car, hands in the pockets of his suit, head down. “Look, Michael, I know its hard okay… But you put so much effort into making sure he had a damn good send off, I'm not going to let you be the only one not saying goodbye.”_  
  
 _The younger man nodded, attempting to his the small sniffle by keeping his head low. He didn’t want to say goodbye that was his problem. He didn’t want to walk in there and, in front of sixty people, say goodbye to the love of his life. He couldn’t do it. It was times like these he’d wished he had gone to England with Gavin, the offer had been there, then maybe he could have advised against the stupid stunt and he could have kept his British prick for a little longer. He wanted to convey this to Geoff, to explain, because while everyone inside was hurting in some way from the loss, Geoff more than anyone would understand what he was feeling._  
  
 _“We could have gotten married.” To say that was what he had planned to say was a lie, in an ideal world he would have agreed to go inside and had this day over with, but he couldn’t stop the words spilling out. “I was so ready to walk him down the aisle, and the bastard got himself killed.” He couldn’t tell if he was trying to yell or sob, but the end result was something of a whimper._  
  
 _If he wasn’t feeling guilty already, one glance at Geoff’s face could have changed that instantly. Since he’d first met his boss, he’d never known him cry, he’d seen every emotion from anger to joy on the man’s expressive face, but he’d never seen sadness like this. The hand on his shoulder gave an encouraging squeeze, letting him know it was okay to let it all out now._  
  
 _After that, trying to work out what to say was impossibly harder. He decided not to share how close he was to proposing, how he was waiting for Gavin to get back to Austin and he was going to take him to dinner and ask to spend their lives together. Simple but sweet, just like the British man himself. He didn’t bring up the fact he had already gotten Geoff’s blessing, seeing as his boss was practically Gavin’s father._  
  
 _Geoff sighed, dropping his head slightly, only to catch Michael’s eyes and force him to look up a bit. “I know.” He looked toward the church briefly, before recapturing the eye contact. “It’s not fair that he had to go so soon, especially when you two spent a year and a half dancing around each other before finally came to your senses. It isn’t fair that you didn’t get your whole lives to be in love and hate each other at the same time.” He squeezed Michael’s shoulder again, managing to force a tiny smile from the younger man. “But I’m sure Gav would love it if you did this for him, and I’m sure he doesn’t care if you hold it together or not, as long as you’re there.”_  
  
 _He knew Geoff was right, if he didn’t go in it would be something he’d regret for the rest of his life. Slowly, Michael stood straight and took his hands out of his pockets, he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and tried to force the tears to stop for now, and with a small encouraging smile, Geoff walked with the man into the church._  
  
 _As soon as he stepped inside he felt sick, the entire company had shown up, as well as a few other friends Gavin had made in America, and the sheer amount of people who cared almost overwhelmed him._  
  
 _With Geoff’s hand still on his shoulder the entire way, he walked himself to his seat. On the way he was aware of people saying ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘Stay strong’, he hoped he’d made an acceptable effort to respond but it was difficult when all he could see was the casket._  
  
 _He sat through the service with as much strength as he could muster, and by that he meant he hadn’t gotten up and left. He was offered a chance to say something, obviously being the first choice, but he’d refused from the get go. If he could even stand, which he was sure he couldn’t, he wouldn’t be able to make it through a whole eulogy without breaking down. Instead, he’d asked Burnie to do it, and he couldn’t have found a better person._  
  
 _Burnie talked about when he’d first met Gavin as a teenager, he talked about how talented and special he obviously was, and how even when he seemed stupid, he probably was one of the smartest people he’d ever met. Michael squeezed his eyes shut in the hopes of stemming the tears, and from one side, he felt a hand slide into his and tighten comfortingly. For a second he could pretend it was Gavin holding him, that when he looked up he’d be called a doughnut and they’d go home. When he did look, though, it was Griffon, offering a small smile, tears in her own eyes._  
  
 _He’d tuned out most of the rest of it, it was only when he had to stand and carry out his duty as Pallbearer. Geoff, Burnie, Ryan, Jack, Joel and Michael had all volunteered to carry the casket from the start, since Gavin hadn’t really mentioned any sort of plans for his funeral, they had to plan it based on what they thought he would want. From there, nothing that Michael wanted to happen, happened. They took the casket somewhere it could be buried, most people attended because there was a little more to it, some more readings etc. but Michael felt drained._  
  
 _He’d carried Gavin’s weight out of the church and all he could think of while he did it was how that weight felt on top of him when they made love, how that weight felt when they got into a fight and ended up tackling one another, how that weight felt sat on his lap while watching a movie, or how that weight felt slumped against his side after way too many bevs._  
  
 _He simply couldn’t hang around and watch that be put into the ground._  
  
 _He had to beg Geoff to take him home, and the older man had tried so hard to convince him to finish it, ‘go to the end with him’ he’d said, but when he’d really looked at Michael, he had no choice. He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and went back to the lad’s apartment with him._  
  
 _Not wanting to be rude, Michael offered Geoff a drink, and the man took it. They spent the rest of the night drinking and sharing stories about their British man, until Michael fell asleep on the sofa._  
  
 _Geoff would never admit it to Michael, or any other living human on the planet, but the day that Gavin fell in love with his stupid ass, was the day Geoff started looking out for him like he would his foster son… And just because Gavin had passed away, he wasn’t going to drop Michael like he hadn’t ever cared. As quietly as possible Michael was taken to bed, and his apartment was tidied of all bottles and glasses. When he’d asked Geoff the next day though, he denied having done anything, but Michael knew._  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
  
He was sure he had not done the story any justice at all when he was telling it, but when he finished and looked up at his boyfriend, his stomach turned. Gavin was hugging Tuna like a child would hold a teddy bear, those wide eyes were holding back floods of tears and his mouth hung slightly open in shock. “Micool…” He whimpered.  
  
Michael didn’t need another word, he dragged the man over and into his arms, securing him against his chest like he would have done when he was alive. Carding fingers through the soft messy brown hair, the American man whispered softly. “It’s okay Gavin, I’m here.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of it put the living man on edge a little, there was a voice in the back of his head telling him something was wrong, and he thought perhaps Gav was hiding something for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter down! I'm sorry this is a little bit of a filler but I hope you still enjoy it.  
> I've also planned and written nine chapters and an epilogue for this story, so if all goes to plan that's how long this story will be :)  
> Enjoy..  
> (Also, WARNING: Slight smut in this chapter)

_"You're an idiot."_  
  
 _"Michael."_  
  
 _"A fucking moron."_  
  
 _Gavin glared over at his boyfriend, grabbing a pair of boxers to pull on, his other half however was still sprawled on the bed smirking at the Brit's attempt to dress angrily. “It’s not funny Michael." He snapped._  
  
 _"It's hilarious." The Jersey lad replied, sitting up and allowing the blanket to pool round his waist, which have gave Gavin a good look at his bare chest, and despite his attempts not to, he couldn't help but stare just a little. Just a little though, as soon Gavin was snatching up skinny jeans and hopping around the room in an attempt to get them round his waist. "Gav, it was a joke!"_  
  
 _With an indignant huff, Gavin stormed out of the room. It lost some of its drama, however, when he heard a cry of 'bollocks', a thud, and a screech from their resident feline._  
  
 _Michael snickered quietly to himself and slid from the bed, he didn't bother with underwear, instead only pulling on his sweatpants. He had planned on spending their rare day off in bed. That was until he'd apparently insulted his partner._  
  
 _The American had been woken that morning in a rather... Unconventional manner. He was drawn from the fog of sleep by small noises coming from beside him, and it may have taken a moment before he recognised the noises as Gavin. Gavin moaning. Gavin whimpering. He had opened his eyes then, looking over to meet his boyfriend’s eyes. Neither of them had bothered with pyjamas last night after coming home late from dinner and instantly falling into bed in a tangle of limbs and breathy moans, so that meant that Gavin was naked. The Brit had kicked the covers away and was lay spread out on his back, slowly teasing his half hard cock as he watched Michael. It didn't take long for the American to snap and jump into the action. It had been a lot of fighting for dominance until Gavin gave in and let himself be positioned in his lover's lap, lowering himself slowly onto Michael's arousal._  
  
 _"You're so big Micool." Gavin whimpered, rotating his hips slowly, so every thrust hit his prostate. "Feels so good."_  
  
 _Michael had been with the lad long enough that he was aware of Gavin's tendency to be a loud lover, and he loved it, so he had no idea what possessed him to make a nose joke during sex. He was vaguely aware that he was mumbling something like 'Nothing beats your nose' and that had been that, he couldn't take it back._  
  
 _Gavin had huffed and climbed away from his partner, whining in an unconvincing tone that he was mean. Of course Michael was unhappy they had to stop in the middle of some great sex because of a stupid joke, which had only upset the Brit further because Michael only cared about the sex._  
  
 _With a sigh, the curly haired man headed out of the bedroom and through to the kitchen, where Gavin was making himself a coffee. "Gavin, I'm sorry."_  
  
 _"You're only saying that because you want me to come back to bed." He huffed, keeping his back to the man in the doorway._  
  
 _"That's not true." Michael stepped forward and carefully wrapped his arms around the skinny man's waist, waiting to be pushed off, and when he wasn't gave a slight squeeze. "I was only making a stupid joke Gav, I love you and your nose."_  
  
 _He was met with silence for a few minutes, before Gavin shuffled round to face his boyfriend and allowed a very small smirk to cross his face. "You really love my nose?"_  
  
 _"As weird as it is, yes, I do."_  
  
 _Gavin cracked a wide grin. "I knew it!"_  
  
 _Michael rolled his eyes and gave his other half a swat to the arm. "You're an idiot."_  
  
 _"But I bet you love that too." Gavin giggled._  
  
 _With a small smile, the American leant over and pressed his lips to Gav's soft ones. "I love everything about you, baby."_  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Michael?" The lad was dragged from his memories by Ray's voice, looking up to see the dark haired man smirking at him. "You've been staring at your computer screen for ten minutes, you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm great." He answered, and it was a genuine answer.  
  
It had been almost two weeks since Gavin had appeared back in his life and nothing could be better for him. He would get home to find the dead man wandering aimlessly and sometimes when he was alone at lunch Gavin would appear to keep him company. It also meant when his boi wasn't with him he would reminisce about times when he had a living boyfriend.  
  
As he continued to edit some of his videos, his mind began to wander again. This time he didn't think about the past though, he kept thinking about his current situation. Even though he was overjoyed to have the love of his life back, things were not the same as they were before, and they probably never would be again. He had asked one day if they could still kiss, to which he was told yes. Obviously it was a wonderful thing to hear, and he wasted no time in grabbing Gavin and mapping his mouth like he would have done years ago. But he couldn't bring himself to ask if they could still be intimate with each other, he already felt like it was weird as shit to be making out with a ghost.  
  
He'd tried to talk to Gavin more in depth about his 'condition', even suggesting they could continue to have him around at the office, after all he could chose who saw him right? So why not just have close friends and family know he was still around. It would probably make a lot of people happy. His idea was brushed off as impossible, and it may have been his imagination but gavin had seemed so upset to say no to the idea that he was put off ever mentioning it again. Michael had also tried asking over and over for more detail about the rules and the woman Gavin had described seeing when he had first died and again he was brushed off with a conversation change.  
  
Then there were the other questions the British man avoided, for example, where he went when he wasn't with Michael, and for how long. The Jersey man had noticed that sometimes there were days on end where Gavin wouldn't be around, and if he did appear after these days, he'd be distracted all night, tired, and once Michael had sworn he'd seen Gavin fade in clarity just slightly.  
  
There was also the fact Gavin had stopped appearing at work, early in their reuniting he would come to the office and sit, just to watch them all play games (Only Michael knew he was there of course) but now he wouldn't. The American had asked why, but was ignored in favour of discussing more memories.  
  
And on top of all of that, there was a look. It was rare Michael noticed it, but he did once or twice, anytime they were cuddling watching a movie, or Gavin watched while his Micool cooked himself a proper meal, he would look at him with wide eyes and a small pout. Not the kind that he had when he wanted something, the kind he had when something was bothering him but he didn't want to say why. He would seem so on edge whenever he got in the car to drive to work with Michael, whenever Michael pulled a stupid stunt for an RT life, or whenever he learned of Michael going out for a few bevs with the guys from work, it was almost as if he didn't want him to do any of these things... But they were all perfectly acceptable when they'd both been alive.   
  
All of it put the living man on edge a little, there was a voice in the back of his head telling him something was wrong, and he thought perhaps Gav was hiding something for him. Normally in this kind of situation he'd ask someone else to talk to the Brit for him... His eyes travelled over to Ray who was sipping on his bottle of water, taking a break from editing, and for a very brief moment he opened his mouth to call for the man. That was before he remembered Gavin wasn't here, he was dead still to the rest of the office, and that's how it had to remain.  
  
So he had to deal with this problem all on his own and he hated that, because he knew as soon as his boi gave him that wide eyed sad look he would drop the subject and do anything he could to simply make the man laugh and smile. Even that seemed so hard to do some nights. The Gavin he'd known two years ago was barely an adult, and would giggle at anything and everything, but this Gavin now was so much older than he looked. It was all in his eyes, how much he must know about after life, whatever burden had been placed on his shoulders was aging him by decades as he tried to manage it all on his own. It was painful to watch.  
  
Sometimes he wished he had his young-at-heart Gavino back, just for a little while.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
 _Ray and Michael smirked at each other when the creaked the Achievement hunter office door open and spotted Gavin and Geoff at the older man's desk in the corner filming a let's build._  
  
 _Earlier that week, during a filming that didn't include him, Gavin had dunked a glass of water over the curly haired man’s head for the sake of a behind the scenes. It had made both the video and let’s play more popular, as there was a whole section where Ryan just described the fight that broke out in the middle of the office between the two lads, interspersed with yells, curses and Gavin noises that may or may not have been picked up by the mics._  
  
 _So, as revenge, Michael had grabbed a glass of water and started towards the office for when he knew the lets build would be taking place. Ray had stopped him just as he was about to open the door and told him that water wouldn't be nearly as funny as milk, and then pulled his phone out to film the event._  
  
 _They both crept into the office, noticing that Jack had pulled off his headphones and wheeled his chair away to put some distance between himself and the splash zone. He glanced at ray one last time to confirm he was filming and then called Gav's name to make him turn. Within seconds the white liquid was dumped over the brunettes head and they stood back to laugh about it._  
  
 _Gavin squawked and jumped from his chair, his mouth remaining wide open in shock as he comprehended what had actually happened. "Oh! It's bloody milk!" Neither of the other two lads thought he would do anything other than complain and make funny noises for a few minutes, but clearly Michael was a bad influence as the Brit started to chase the pair of boys through the building._  
  
 _Ray handed off his phone to a nearby Lindsay and instructed her to follow the chase outside into the parking lot, where the Puerto Rican took to hiding behind a car and calling 'X-Ray and Vav!' over and over again. Luckily Gavin's main target was his other half, and he continued to chase him until he tripped and crumpled to the floor. Worry overtook Michael and he all but sprinted over to his boi, calling his name and crouching beside him._  
  
 _Before he knew what was happening, Gavin jumped up and on the Jersey lad, tackling him to the floor with a screech of 'Surprise bitch!'. From there it was a constant back and forth, one minute Gavin would have the other pinned while trying to tickle him, then another minute Michael was on top getting revenge the only way he knew how, rolling his hips as subtly as possible._  
  
 _"Michael!" There was no denying the way Gavin moaned his name and he went bright red, looking up to where they'd gathered an audience (Apparently it was an interesting fight to watch) consisting of Lindsay, Ray, the other Achievement hunters, Gus, The Adams and of course anyone watching this later via the camera._  
  
 _"Alright, Lindsay I think there's enough there for a video, let’s not subject our viewers to that level of Gay." Geoff sighed, managing to sound amused and exhausted at the same time. "You two morons clean up and get back to work."_  
  
 _While everyone migrated back to their respective jobs, Michael helped Gavin to his feet, smirking at him and leaning over to give him a quick and chaste kiss. "Dude, good guy Ray helping friends get laid since 89!" Ray called, throwing his arms in the air as if it was a personal victory._  
  
 _Lindsay chuckled off to the side, watching the video back. "This is gonna be so much fun to put out there, Tumblr will explode!"_  
  
 _"At east edit out the end bits!" Gavin whined, running over to watch over the woman's shoulder._  
  
 _"No way! They're the funniest parts." She covered her mouth for a moment to laugh to herself, then looked up to Michael. "You can totally tell you're doing naughty things, I might have to put a giant 'censored' over where you were sitting on him!"_  
  
 _"Shut up." Michael snapped, but met eyes with Gavin and chuckled._  
  
 _"I suppose it’s one way for the viewers to learn about Mavin." The Puerto Rican teased, heading back inside, and if the jersey boy didn't know any better he'd say Gavin looked nervous._  
  
 _They had nothing to worry about though, the behind the scenes was published the next day and the views shot up into six digits almost instantly. The comments were filled with support for the boys, mentions of how people 'always knew', and one or two that were just a lot of capital letters randomly smashed together. There had of course been the odd hater mixed in with this, but neither man cared. Their relationship was developing well, and everyone they cared about accepted it. As long as it kept developing and kept going well, neither man cared about anything else._


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What the fuck!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five out of ten, halfway there guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr (if you want to, you don't have to!) I post my stories too, and sometimes updates on what I'm working on:
> 
> Crazymadinsane.tumblr.com

Michael had gotten quite used to his life being a hot mess ever since Gavin had come back into his life. Some mornings would be filled with noise and activity, the British man bouncing around, complaining that he would be lonely throughout the day with Michael at work, though any attempts to convince him to come to the office were met with a hasty change of subject. Other mornings, were different, the curly haired man woke up to silence, and he would get ready for his day with no company and a still environment.

 

No matter how long the British man would be gone, though, he always came back, that was what Michael had learned. Despite this, however, he was going slightly out of his mind when he woke up the fourth day in a row without any sign of his loved one. The last time he had seen Gavin, the man seemed off. He wasn't talking much (which is immediately a sign something's wrong) and whenever Michael managed to force him into conversation it was quickly lost because the prick kept losing himself in his own little world. He'd looked ill, in Michael's albeit armature opinion, the normally tan skin was bordering on pale, and there was no animation to any of the man’s actions, on the rare occasion he was talking his hands remained placed on his lap, he wouldn't even make eye contact with his boyfriend.

 

There was something wrong, he knew, even though his concern was met with dismissal.  He was sent to bed on the premise of it being Sunday night, and there would be work tomorrow, and that was the last he'd seen of his boi since then. It wasn't a rare occurrence, obviously, but he'd never been gone this long without a brief appearance before. Sometimes he'd be gone for two or three days, but he'd make an effort to show up, even if just for an hour, to remind Michael he was real, and then he'd be gone again.

 

Four days without that was too long. He was beginning to doubt himself again. What if he'd really just been crazy, what if Gavin was never there, what if, what if, what if. He was driving himself mad, if he wasn't already, and he was putting himself on edge. At home, he would hear the sound of the cat walking around, jumping, mewling, hissing and he would rush to her location assuming Gavin had appeared and started to tease her. To this day he'd been mistaken. Even at work he couldn't focus properly, the door would open and he'd assume it was his missing lover. It never was.

 

People must have noticed his odd mood in the office, because everyone was taking special precaution not to irritate him. There were no behind the scenes pranks being played on him, no one purposefully pushing his buttons in a let’s play to get a funny reaction. On one hand it was nice to be left alone for a while, but on the other hand it was almost worse, because it made it difficult to carry on as normal when no one was acting normal.

 

"Hey, wanna come over for pizza and Mariokart tonight?" It had taken a moment or two for Michael to realise that Ray was addressing him, and that this had been a bi-weekly tradition for years now, one he'd turned down the past three invitations because he'd had a Gavin to deal with. Honestly, he was surprised the Puerto Rican still wanted him there with his sulky mood today, but he wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to try and relax a little. "You look like you need it."

 

Ray had been Michael's best friend since he started working at RoosterTeeth, obviously they were not as close as he and Gavin had been, but there was always something about the dark haired man that Michael could trust. He was laid back and easy to talk to, he never forced you to 'open up', his method of comfort was food and video games, and sometimes he needed that in contrast to being coddled by Geoff or Gavin when something was bothering him. He'd often find himself turning up to Ray when he'd had a fight with Gavin, or if the other man was unavailable he'd go to Lindsay instead.

 

The idea of releasing some tension by coming second to Ray all night actually sounded wonderful. "Yeah, that actually sounds great, man."

 

Ray smiled and turned back to his screen with a silent nod, clearly happy his offer was taken up.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

Once the work day was over, the lads agreed to go straight back to Ray's apartment and order the food to them rather than pick it up, because they were lazy and young and why live any other way?

 

While Ray set up the game, the Jersey lad took a chance to settle on the sofa, feeling a familiar sense of relaxation rather than panic and worry. It was nice, and he made a mental note to not avoid these game nights in the future, Gavin or not.

 

"If you're lucky I might give you a head start." Ray Joked, dropping onto the sofa next to his friend and selecting a course for them to race, handing Michael a controller.

 

"Like that would make a difference." There was nothing but sarcasm in his tone, but both men managed to chuckle at it as they waited for the green light.

 

Just like Michael had predicted, Ray was beating him, so far he had won seven races, even while eating pizza with one hand he was kicking Michael's ass, and the older lad was still having more fun than he thought he would. They switched games as the night got later, deciding that Michael might stand a better chance if they were playing a different game and so instead started a co-op game in Call of Duty.

 

They were a few rounds in when Ray turned his head slightly to address Michael, though his eyes remained glued to the screen. "So what's up with you lately, man, you're bouncing between happy as shit and borderline depressed."

 

Michael sat silent for a while before shrugging his shoulders, keeping his gaze fixed firmly forward. "I think it's my mattress, I'm not sleeping well."

 

Ray paused for a moment, looking like he was about to call out the man's obvious lie, but thought better of it. "Well if there was something, or someone, else. Good guy Ray is here to help." The familiar joke made them both smile, but Michael couldn't help but feel less relaxed than ten minutes ago.

 

_'Someone else'_

 

Ray thought there was someone else.

 

"There's no one else." He knew that the comment made by Ray was probably just to ensure that Michael knew he could talk about anything, but it had sounded to him like the other man was implying something.

 

"I'm just saying... you know... It's okay." If the accusation hadn't offended Michael so much, he would have been laughing at how awkward Ray seemed to be handling this, he kept waving his hand about between them, trying to symbolise their friendship as he talked. "I understand."

 

"I'm sure you do, but really... There's no one else." Michael's tone left no room for argument, and the almost shocked expression his Puerto Rican friend was giving him gave him enough time to kill the man's character and run off to camp for the remaining match. Just the thought of there being anyone else but Gavin made his stomach turn.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 

It was nearly eleven and Michael was almost ready to leave, even though he'd been given the option of crashing on the couch if his 'mattress' was bothering him so much he didn't want to go home. He didn't want to impose, however and so he opted to play one last match with Ray and then take off.

 

That was until he heard a familiar cry of 'bollocks' from over in the corner, and he whipped his head round to see Gavin on his ass, looking like he just fell from the ceiling. His hair was dishevelled more so than usual, looking like he'd just fought his way through a bush to get here, and he looked drained, his eyes puffy and red that could be compared with exhaustion or distress, he had no idea which.

 

Emotions were fighting inside of him at the minute, he didn't know whether to be mad at the Brit for being gone for three days or be happy because he'd come back and he wasn't insane, of course the logical side of his mind reminded him that he couldn't react at all because Ray was here, and Ray couldn't see him. Or so he thought.

 

"What the fuck!"

 

Michael and Gavin both looked at Ray with matching panicked expressions, but both seemed to act in different ways to cover up what had just happened. Gavin thought that curling into the smallest form possible and shuffling behind the opposite sofa, while Michael decided to carry on with the game and act as if nothing had happened. "What's the matter?"

 

Unfortunately for him, he was a terrible actor, and Gav was still mumbling away to himself behind the sofa calling himself an idiot, so Ray shot to his feet and pointed at the offending sofa. "You're telling me you don't see him? Or hear him for that matter?"

 

"What do you mean-"

 

"-Michael stop."

 

Michael rolled his eyes when he was interrupted by Gavin, glaring holes into the sofa he was hiding behind.

 

After that it became rather clear that they couldn't hide this from the Puerto Rican, and from his hiding place stood a nervous looking Gavin. "Hi, Ray."

 

" _Hi Ray_... You're fucking dead, and you appear in his apartment and all you say is _Hi Ray_!" Michael scoffed, folding his arms. "I bet you've scarred him!"

 

"Well I didn't bloody mean to! I was looking for you, how was I supposed to know you weren't at home you smegpot."

 

"I-"

 

"Guys!" Ray interrupted, still watching Gavin with a hint of suspicion in his gaze. "Can you just... Not that I'm not overjoyed to see you Gav, but could someone tell me what in the hell is happening."

 

With a sigh and a nod from both boys, they all took a seat around the living room. It took Gavin another half an hour to explain everything to Ray, about how he could chose who he appeared to, the rules about not haunting and such, he went into greater detail about the woman he'd seen, which made Michael wonder why he'd held back earlier, or contrary to that, what he could have learnt since then and how he learnt it. He explained that he wasn't translucent or in any way able to have objects pass through him because he wasn't in fact a ghost, again he went into more detail and Michael began to suspect that wherever he spent his time when he disappeared was somewhere where he could learn this shit.

 

Once the explanation was done, Gavin looked tired, extremely tired. Now he was informed early on by his dead boyfriend that whatever he was ghost or not, didn't function like a live being. They didn't breathe, eat, sleep, they could if they chose to but it wouldn't have any negative effects on his health if he chose not to do one of these activities. So what could possibly be tiring Gavin out?

 

Though at the minute his main concern was Ray, who was staring straight ahead at the carpet with a confused look on his face. Then suddenly he started to laugh, Michael frowned, looking up to Gavin who shrugged, equally confused.

 

"What's so funny?"

 

"You're banging a dead guy!" Ray announced loudly, having to take deep breaths in order to stop himself hyperventilating with laughter.

 

A sense of relief was clear on the British man's face (as well as a blush) as he started to laugh along with his friend. "Well technically we haven't..."

 

"Gavin shut up." Michael snapped, but in a light-hearted manner as he let out a snicker. "Look Ray, you can't tell anyone else at the office okay, they'll think we're mad and for some reason Gavvers doesn't want anyone else to know."

 

"I have a perfectly good reason Micool-"

 

"-One you clearly don't wanna share."

 

Ray started to laugh a little bit again. "Christ, it's like you've never been gone..." And there was an undeniable tone of happiness in the youngest man's voice as he eyed the pair, gaze lingering on Michael longer. "Guess this explains all the weird behaviour from you lately."

 

"Yeah." Was Michael's only response.

 

Gavin smirked though. "Because he was just sooooo happy to see me."

 

"And sad when you leave apparently."

 

"Shut up Ray!" The Jersey lad snapped, though noticed the almost guilty look on his boyfriend’s face.

 

"Well, all that matters is you're sorta here." Ray said, breaking the tension. "Team Lads reunited!"


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since he'd woken up, he'd been tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late, and I'm very very sorry, there were issues. But, this chapter is very long and gives quite a it of explanation. It's also all from Gavin's POV  
> ((Small spoiler, when Gavin's speech is in italics, he cannot be heard by others))  
> Enjoy...

Ever since he'd woken up, he'd been tired.  
   
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
   
He couldn't remember how he'd gotten there, all he knew was he fell asleep in his bedroom in England, the sound of his parents voices floating around him and when he'd come to he was in his apartment in Austin.   
   
Michael wasn't there, that's the first thing he'd noticed, and everything was cold. He'd tried to get to his feet, but his body refused to move at his command, everything was numb and fuzzy, kind of like when you sleep on your arm, Gavin thought.   
   
It was an indeterminate amount of time before Gavin tried to move again, this time trying to haul himself into a sitting position what followed this time was a sharp burning pain around his middle, making him fall back against the large bed with a whimper.   
   
What was happening to him?  
   
Seeing as he couldn't move, he tried observing his surroundings instead. The room looked exactly as it had the day he'd left, T-shirts and pairs of jeans were strewn about the floor, the drawers half open, curtains open, paw prints on the window sill. He was supposed to clean those.   
   
There was something off, the Brit decided, something didn't feel like home in this room. It took him a moment to process that the view outside the window didn't look... Real. The clouds in the sky weren't moving, there wasn't the sound of traffic or people on the street, and come to think of it Gavin couldn't see another building from his position.   
   
Panic rose in his chest. This wasn't home, wherever he was, it wasn't familiar the way he'd thought mere moments ago. He wasn't safe. Ignoring the pain spreading through his midsection, he tried to force himself up again, fear making him ignore the temporary discomfort.   
   
Gavin pulled himself up to his knees, crawling to the end of the bed and then sliding off onto the floor. One arm instinctively covered his side as he sat against the bed breathing heavily, his vision blurring with tears thanks to straining his body so much.   
   
"You're supposed to stay on the bed."   
   
Gavin jumped, looking up to the blurry figure in the doorway. The woman he saw was tall and almost unnaturally beautiful, with long ebony hair and bright red lips to rival Snow White. Her skin was pale upon high cheekbones and her eyes were a striking blue.   
   
"Who... Are you?" Gavin asked breathlessly, the pain in his inside only getting worse and making his head spin.   
   
The woman stepped forwards, lifting him with impossible ease and placing him back onto the bed. "My name is Azrael." She replied simply, lifting Gavin's shirt (much to his confusion) and placing her hand against his stomach, causing him to yelp and jump away.   
   
"Where am I? What's going on?" He pleaded, wrapping his arms around himself as if to shield himself from anymore pain.   
   
"If you calm down for just five minutes I'll explain everything." She sighed, standing by the bed and looking down upon the British man with a shockingly neutral expression. "First, you are Gavin David Free?" The question confused Gavin to no end but he nodded his head frantically. "Good, alright then. I'm here to inform you that you are unfortunately dead."   
   
Even the stabbing pain now spreading to his back didn't matter anymore. Dead. He was dead? How had he died? When did that happen?  
   
Surprisingly, stunned silence was all he could manage, and the woman smiled sympathetically at him. "I won't be here much longer, I am only here to inform you of what you must know to continue on your path, and answer any initial questions you may have."   
   
Gavin averted his gaze to the bed, letting the information sink in. He still couldn't comprehend his death, but he realised he probably didn't have a lot of time before this woman went away, so he had to get everything out of the way now.   
   
"What about my family, friends?" He muttered, staring hard at sheets he recognised so well.   
   
"They're all fine."   
   
"No... I mean, can I see them?"   
   
The woman sighed looking as if she had answered this question a hundred times. "Of course, but there are conditions."  
   
"Conditions?"   
   
"Yes, four of them." She explained. “Number one, you cannot appear to any person without them being stable enough to take your presence. Number two, the person you wish to appear to must have shared a connection with you, just because you and Mandy from Starbucks had friendly chat every other day does not make her close enough for an appearance. Number three, you have been sent here because you were a good person with a decent life, should you use your death as a means to make someone else’s life less than satisfactory you will be haunting without good cause and action will be taken. Number four, you may not divulge information to the living that they will not already know by chance.” She listed off the rules and took a step back, allowing him some breathing space as he processed more information.  
   
“Okay…” Gavin wrinkled his nose, glaring at the opposite wall as if it held all the answers. “How will I know if they’re stable enough to see me?”  
   
“You will know because they will see you, Mr Free, you could try every day to be seen by a loved one but until they are ready your attempts will fall upon blind eyes and deaf ears. Only they can tell you when they are ready.”  
   
He nodded, it made sense he supposed. As much sense as this situation could make. “And the relationship thing… How the bloody hell am I supposed to know who I have that connection with?”  
   
The woman actually rolled her eyes. “It isn’t that difficult to tell who your loved ones are, Mr Free. But if you need examples, parents, children, siblings, lovers-“  
   
“Friends? What about friends?”  
   
“Ones who were close enough to you that you’re thinking about them now, then yes, them too.”  
   
Gavin nodded, his mind running through a mental list of people he could visit, and then it hit him. He was dead, all these people, how would they feel? What would they be doing right now? How much time had passed since his actual death? How long would he have to wait before he visited each one?  
   
“I recommend you try to keep the number of people you visit to a minimum, nasty things can happen when almost everyone you know is aware of your existence.” The woman’s voice made him look up sharply, and he shook his head with a wince, noticing the pain had almost faded from a stab to a dull throb. “Is that all of your questions?”  
   
“I kind of understand the haunting thing, there’s no one I’d want to haunt anyway… but Number four, what do you mean?”  
   
The woman seemed intrigued by Gavin’s question, almost like she’d never been asked that before. “Because we are in a realm that does not quite follow the laws of time, it means we can see ahead of ourselves.” She explained warily, stopping to allow the Brit any confused outbursts, of which there were none. “If you wish to visit a loved one you can do so, but only on their timeline- the living timeline.” She motioned to the window. “You can observe that timeline by the window, think of it as a looking glass, you simply concentrate on the one you seek and it will show you what they are doing at that current moment, focus harder on the moment you see and you can manifest yourself in that moment.” Gavin nodded his head, glancing over at the window in interest, before she continued. “However, we can also see what is to come in anyone’s timeline, no matter their relation to you, but you cannot interfere with it until that person reaches the moment themselves. If you were to see something in one of your friends’ timeline’s for example, and then tell them about it before they have learned of it naturally, that is breaking condition number four.”  
   
It took a moment, or maybe two, before the man could even pull sense from the explanation. “So the situation is we can see the future but can’t tell anyone about it?”  
   
“In its simplest form, yes, that is what I’m saying.” She nodded briskly, looking the man up and down as he shifted again, gripping his side. “I would recommend you stay in this bed for a little while, you have died but your body carried over the injury that killed you and so you will be feeling it for quite a few days.”  
   
“What did me in?” He asked, lifting his shirt to peek at the skin there, finding a large bruise. “Bugger.”  
   
“Internal bleeding, caused by debris from the explosion you filmed.”  
   
The British man stared up at the woman with a mixture of shock and confusion, he couldn’t remember any pain like this, or a bruise. He remembered a cramp like feeling but that was it, and then he’d went to bed.  
   
“If that is all, I must take my leave. I have others to see to.” She said, turning to the door. “This room is what your mind created as a place to be safe, you can come here anytime you like by thinking of it, if you chose to roam in the living timeline, be very careful to shield yourself from anyone who may be able to see you.” The woman was about to walk out of the door when Gavin stopped her with a noise that he knew was supposed to be the word ‘Wait’ but didn’t quite form properly before it left his mouth.  
   
“What happens if the rules are broken?”  
   
The woman gave a sad sort of smile, and answered. “As I said before, Mr Free, you were sent here because you were a good person in life. However, do not be fooled into thinking this is the only place for you to go.” She folded her arms over her chest. “Should you break rules, privileges can and will be confiscated, which would make it very difficult indeed for you to see the ones you love.”  
   
With that, Gavin swallowed and nodded, watching as the woman left, her long black dress trailing behind her. The door closed and he was alone, at first he considered staying in the bed because of the woman’s advice, but then he caught sight of the window and he couldn’t help himself. He ran to it and thought of Michael, multiple questions running through his mind at the same time. How was he feeling? Where would he be? Would he know yet? Looking at the window expectantly he glared when nothing happened, he tried again, and again and nothing.  
   
Frustration overtook him, and he pounded his fist against the glass in the frame, making no real noise but whimpers as hot tears fell. He just wanted to see his Michael, just wanted to make sure he was okay. He leant against the cool pane and sobbed, the emotion from all of this finally overcoming him as it finally sunk in he’d never be able to be with Michael the way he had before, he’d never be able to go to work and joke around with his mates, never be able to get shamefully drunk at one of Burnie’s house parties or travel America and meet their fans. All of that was gone.  
   
It was a long while before he found the courage to try the window again, and this time he focussed solely on his partner, ignoring any worries or questions that fought for a place in his head, just Michael, and suddenly he was there.  
   
He must have thought too hard because he wasn’t just observing his boi through a window, he was stood at the door of their apartment watching Michael watching him. For a moment he thought the man could see him, but he didn’t react, he simply sat there staring at the door behind him in silence. He looked like hell, his curls mussed, his glasses were askew like he’d been rubbing his eyes and just not bothered to fix their placement on his face. As he was sat his breathing was uneven, coming out in short sharp gasps, and the heart breaking realisation hit him that the American was crying, and he probably didn’t even notice.  
   
Gavin hated to watch Michael cry, and the phone on the floor (from which he could still hear his mother’s voice) gave away very much why he was crying, which only racked up guilt on the British man’s shoulder.  
   
He stayed with Michael for that whole night, sat on the floor opposite the one he loved, crying for exactly the same reason. His body ached and cried for him to return to wherever home was now and rest, but if he had made Michael go through these stages of grief, he would go through them too.  
   
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
   
He watched in silence as his boi paced the living room floor, now two weeks after his death, muttering to himself angrily. Gavin had been there for over two hours now, knowing that Michael still wasn’t ready to see him but somehow felt that if he was at least here he was helping.  
   
Michael hadn’t been to work that day, which was acceptable, Gavin assumed, considering what had recently occurred Geoff probably gave him a few weeks off. But then the phone had rang eight times, never to be answered, and now someone was at the door.  
   
The knocking progressed from gentle to pounding and a voice came through the wood. “Michael, its Geoff, open the door.”  
   
“Go away.” The younger lad snapped, and his pacing stopped. He stood stock still in the middle of the living room, glaring down the hallway towards the door like it had personally offended him.  
   
“Can’t do that until you open the door, I want to make sure you’re okay.”  
   
“I’m just peachy.” Michael sighed, not loud enough for Geoff to hear, but Gavin heard it, and huffed a laugh.  
   
 _“You’re being a doughnut, go and answer the bloody door.”_ The Brit watched the American, part of him hoping for a reaction, but he remembered the woman in the room.  
   
 ** _‘You could try every day to be seen by a loved one but until they are ready your attempts will fall upon blind eyes and deaf ears.’_**  
   
 _“Deaf ears.”_ He sighed, catching sight of the front door opening. _“You gave Geoff a key? When I wanted to give Geoff a bloody key it was a stupid idea, 'two of us live here why does anyone else need a key'”_ He was slightly glad no one else could hear his attempt at an American accent.   
   
Michael’s glare towards the door grew in intensity when he saw the tattooed man come waltzing in. “I didn’t invite you in.”  
   
“I promised I’d never come here if you answered your phone when I checked on you.”  
   
Gavin couldn’t help but smile at his American father, he used to use the same tactic on the British man when he was sulking in his room, barging in and not backing off without answers.  
   
“It was off.” Michael said.  
   
“It rang.” Geoff countered, effectively ending that argument.  
   
There was a tense moment of silence before anyone spoke again, Gavin was sat on the sofa in between the two men watching them both carefully. Neither could see him, which made him slightly upset. _“I know it’s only been two weeks but it’s so boring with no one to talk to!”_ He whined.  
   
“I just want to know you’re okay, kid, you’re shutting yourself in, ignoring everyone’s phone calls, you won’t come out with us even for just an hour…” Geoff sighed, and Gavin couldn’t remember ever seeing a look of pure worry cross the man’s face. “It’s not healthy to act like he’s gonna come back any second.”  
   
Both Gavin and Michael reacted to that statement, Gavin’s mouth turning down in a large frown. He knew it was true but it still hurt like a bitch to hear it out loud, and apparently his boyfriend felt the same. The small sniff was the loudest sound in the room, as a tear fell from Michael’s ducked head onto the wooden floor. Still silence from the younger American, though.  
   
“You’re in denial I get it, but let us help, okay?” The older man sighed, stepping forward to place a comforting hand on Michael’s shoulder, and Gavin took a moment to briefly wonder how involved all of the other guys were with the Jersey lad’s emotional state right now, or if was just Geoff. “Why don’t you come for a drive with me, hmm? Just ten minutes out of the flat, that’s all I’m asking.”  
   
And with that the auburn haired man was led out, finally getting his first breath of fresh air that week. It would do him good, having Geoff around, and Gavin had been glad he’d asked the moustached man to look after his boyfriend no matter what. He’d made a good choice.  
   
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
   
It was Anger that Gavin stumbled into next, by accident too.  
   
He’d managed to manifest himself into the bathroom somehow, and the first thing he heard was the smashing of a plate.  
   
“God fucking damn it Tuna, are you fucking kidding me!”  
   
With a small snicker, the Brit made his way across the hall to the kitchen, where he was met with a red faced Michael having an apparent argument with the cat, who was sat on the floor next to a smashed dish… and food all over the floor.  
   
“I don’t know why I fucking keep you. You’re a piece of shit!” The American yelled, nudging the cat out of the way in a much gentler fashion than his yelling, in order to clean up. “I never even wanted you, you fucker.”  
   
The cat ran away, as was to be expected as his owner went on a rampage, throwing pieces of china and food into the bin with more force than necessary. “I really fucking hate my life sometimes, you’re his cat, go with him. I’m sure he’d love to take your ass with him the cocksucker.”  
   
Gavin frowned at the insult. _“Well that was rude, Micool, I didn’t chose to die.”_  
   
“Stupid bastard.” Michael kept going. “Idiot, motherfucker, god damn dickhead.” It was with a heavy heart, Gavin realised that Michael wasn’t talking about the cat anymore, as more tears found their way onto the kitchen floor. “Here’s an idea Gavin, don’t blow up a pile of fucking bricks and then stand in the blast zone you Asshole!”  
   
The remaining mess stayed on the floor as the jersey man gave up, sitting with his back against the counters for a very long time just insulting his late boyfriend. Some harsh words were said, but Gavin understood that they were said out of grief, and without a second though he sat down in the doorway to the kitchen, having an argument with Michael.  
   
“What did I ever see in you, if you were so fucking stupid as to get yourself killed?”  
   
 _“You thought I was hot you knob.”_  
   
“Stupid British asshole.”  
   
 _“I love you too.”_  
   
“I hope you know what you’re doing to me… And I hope you’re burning in hell for it. How dare you leave me alone, I didn’t even get to say goodbye!” It carried on like that far over half an hour as Michael screamed insults to no one and Gavin argued back, unseen and unheard, until finally the American quietened and eventually silenced himself. Burying his head between his knees the man started to heave heavier sobs with more obvious tears.  
   
At some point, Tuna returned to investigate the source of the noise and crawled up into Michael’s lap, rubbing her face softly against his and soon enough she was being bear hugged by the human.  
   
It really was a sweet sight to see as the Rage Quitter apologised for his action and began to explain himself to a cat. Gavin was about ready to go back to the fake apartment, he realised the longer he stayed and the more he tried to force communication drained his energy, like he had a time limit of some sort, when Michael cleared his throat and spoke to the sky (or Gavin) again.  
   
“Sometimes I wish I didn’t love you as much as I do… Maybe it would hurt less.”  
   
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
   
 _“Bargaining won’t work you minge, I’m dead!”_ Gavin yelled… To deaf ears. He couldn’t help but get frustrated; all he wanted to see was Michael move on and be happy… He’d even considered stop trying to be seen because who knows, maybe when Michael was ready, seeing him would only push him back and stop him progressing with his life.  
   
He knew about the five stages of grief of course, having witnessed them before in various people, but it was different watching someone mourn over you, as he was now. He couldn’t help but think this was the worst part of the mourning, three days in a row he had appeared to hear Michael bargaining with the sky to ‘bring back his boi’.  
   
He’d heard mutterings of ‘if only he’d went to the doctor as soon as it happened’.  
   
Today he heard his lover screaming. “Just give him back, I’d do anything! He was mine and you took him from me… I want him back.” Followed by the familiar sound of a fist hitting a wall once, and then twice.   
   
Even Gavin broke on some days, he screamed too. _“Let me go back, just for a day, that’s all… He needs me, I can’t let him suffer.”_  
   
It was breaking them both going through the grief, but Gavin had sworn he’d stick by his partner throughout all of it even if he couldn’t help at all. The point was it, was comforting for him too, he was grieving the loss of his partner in a sense too but the strain of watching Michael was almost too much.   
  
He was filled with self-loathing every time his lover shed a tear, every time he heard hoarse cries that he couldn't respond too. He even found himself questioning why he didn't just go to the hospital when he'd first been injured.  
  
During the bargaining, Gavin's energy drained quicker than normal, most likely because he was pushing harder and harder to talk to Michael. Those days, he'd wake up in his fake bedroom, not remembering leaving by choice.   
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
He'd lied to himself when he had said bargaining was the worst stage. Depression came next and after spending one day watching Michael lay on the couch staring at the ceiling and getting drunk, he couldn't take it anymore.   
  
He would of course check daily on his partner, once in the morning and once at what would be night for the living man, but in between he couldn't stand to watch his excitable larger than life boyfriend be so drawn in and lost as he lay there.  
  
Instead he took his chances with others he knew. He visited Ray and Lindsay, neither could see him and instead he took to watching them for a little, just to see they were healthy. He visited the Ramsey's, just in time to overhear a conversation between Geoff and Griffon about Michael and how Geoff would be visiting later. He visited Burnie as he worked at the office, and decided to take a stroll... No one could yet see him, despite it being six months after his death.   
  
He supposed it was because they were all still grieving, and he suddenly felt guilty that he had not been watching over others as closely as he'd been watching over Michael, and he made a vow to change that.   
  
As Michael started to eat more and dress properly, Gavin began to appear a little more. He watched what all of his friends got up to every morning, and during the day, and during the nights he stayed with Michael, watching him sleep. At least this way he had less chance of getting caught.   
  
He couldn't allow himself to be seen by Michael.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
By the time Michael accepted his death and was happy, Gavin began carefully measuring how he manifested and where. He'd come across someone else who was in his condition one day when he'd finally plucked up the courage to see what was outside of the door to the bedroom he knew as 'haven' and discovered hundreds upon hundred of doors. They lead to different peoples havens and with that meant he wasn't alone up here. His name was Mark, and he filled in some of the blanks about his existence in this place. He explained how you could shield yourself while on earth realm, so even when people were ready to see you they couldn't, he explained who the woman was, Azrael was the folklore name for 'the angel of death' she made sure those who were dead were in the correct place and not harming those who were still living.   
  
With his new information he started watching Michael and the other Hunters work, chipping in his own witty comments that only he could hear, but still it was like he was there. He did this for two years, just watching his boi be happy. He noticed that his desk was never moved, none of his trinkets were thrown away, a sixth hunter was never hired to replace him. Lindsay was subsequently more frequent in their videos but eighty percent of the time it remained the five lads.   
  
Michael never dated, which was a problem, no one tried to make him date, not after the one time Jack had joked about it in a video and the Rage Quitter had left the room in the middle of a recording. But Gavin wanted him to be dating, he wanted him to be living his life and moving on.   
  
Mark taught him how to see further ahead in people's timeline's, and it was wonderful to be able to watch Red Vs Blue reach a fourteenth series and still be popular, it was even better to see Minecraft Episode 200 in production with a memorial to him in it.   
  
For the sake of his own mind, he decided to peek ahead in Michael's timeline on a rainy day when no one else would be doing anything. He searched for another partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, even another pet at this point would be progress, but there was no sign. Half of him was grateful that it didn't happen, and half of him wanted his boi to man up and pick someone up at a bar. Reaching just a little further in last hopes, one event caught Gavin's eye, he watched it, watched it again and his stomach dropped.   
  
And that was the night he decided to visit Michael again.   
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
He hadn't been thinking about his shields in his haste to get there and see him, watch him for just a moment.   
  
The last time he'd told himself, never again will I see him, there's no reason to now.   
  
He hadn't realised it was the anniversary of his death when he'd manifested on the arm of the sofa, and he tutted at the sight of beer bottles everywhere. Luckily the American was asleep on the sofa so he could clean a little and nobody would think anything of it. He started to move bottles through to the kitchen, aware of the too loud clanking of glass in the silence of a midnight apartment.   
  
Regardless, he'd cleaned and he retook his seat on the arm of the chair. He'd planned to stay for only a little while, but he couldn't help himself, this was his Micool and he missed talking to him.   
  
"Now whose a stupid arsehole." The Brit sighed, watching him stretch in his sleep. "You spent so long having a go at me and then you're gonna get your-" he was interrupted by a cat hissing and he looked down to see Tuna swiping claws at him.  
  
"Get lost cat, I'm having a moment here." He nudged the animal very gently with his foot, just to get her to move away, and she did, ceasing her verbal attack to hide in the bedroom.   
  
When he looked over at Michael he saw the man waking up and sighed. "Oh good you're awake," the phrase was dripping with sarcasm as he cursed his own lack of luck. He wanted a silent moment and now he'd have to talk at a person who couldn't even see him. How would I even start this conversation. "Did you miss me, Micool?" He'd been answering his own question out loud but there was something not right. Michael was staring straight at him as if he'd heard him speak, and cursing.   
  
Oh shit.  
  
Gavin hadn't ensured the curly haired man couldn't see him... And NOW his partner choses to see him. Now!?   
  
It was an accident. An accidental reveal that he hadn't wanted but he had now.  
  
He wanted to just disappear and when the living man practically sprinted to the kitchen he did just that, sending himself back to his haven where he could hide away from the mistake he'd just made.   
  
He'd went to say goodbye, and now he wanted nothing more than to go back and prevent what he'd seen, but without breaking the rules.  
  
God this was going to be tiring.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Now, he sat with Ray on the mans sofa, listening to the Puerto Rican make all kinds of angel jokes, he didn't know why he was here, Michael had come home from work and instructed him to go to the mans house because it was unfair of the Brit to spend all his undead time with one person when a friend knew about it too. But he sensed an ulterior motive.   
  
He'd been here an hour and a half and Ray was antsy like he never was during a crappy movie night. Gavin was getting more and more exhausted as the minutes ticked by, however and he could t possibly wait any longer for a development if he didn't want to get in serious trouble. "Look X-Ray, I know you want to talk about something so can we hurry up?"   
  
The younger man had the decency to accept it straight away at least and turned to face the brunette, levelling his gaze with him. "I'm just worried, it's been what, three days since I learnt you were walking the earth still and the floodgates have opened with 'Micool'." he said, taking a swig from his bottle of   
water.  
  
"Floodgates? What the hell you on about?"   
  
"He won't stop bitching, it's all the tension from the weeks you've been around for him finally coming to light because I know now and he has someone to talk to about this shit." Ray placed the bottle down and folded his arms. "So I just wanna know what's going on."   
  
Gavin tried to look as innocent as possible, he knew at some point Michael would seek comfort from someone else because he knew things were going wrong lately, and he also knew why. But telling more people would make that worse, so he tried not to look guilty as he shrugged and focussed on the movie they were watching.  
  
"Come on Vav, he says you disappear for days on end, and won't come to work like you used to anymore... And don't get me started on how much I hear about you becoming transparent right before his eyes." The tone in his friends voice was pleading, he really wanted to help Michael solve his problem and that meant baby faced Ray would come out soon with his wide eyes and pouty lips and fuck it.  
  
"Things are just... Difficult at the moment."   
  
"Bullshit if that's all you're giving me."   
  
With a large sigh, Gavin's floodgates opened too. "I can't help it lately, I've broken the rules and so I'm being punished."   
  
Like a teenage boy, Ray's eyes went wide with excitement at the idea of rule breaking. "Which one, what did you do?"   
  
He sighed again, feeling his energy drain slowly, second by second. She was doing this. "Actually it's one I didn't tell either of you about, cause it would have messed with my plan." He explained. "The fourth rule is that you can't like, tell someone about their future right? So I've broken that one."   
  
"You told Michael about his future!" Ray exclaimed and Gavin couldn't tell if it was shock or awe in his voice, perhaps both.  
  
"No, I'm not going to tell him about it I'm going to prevent it. But apparently that's still wrong."   
  
Ray was silent for a while, weighing up his next question with great thought. "How are you being punished?"   
  
"You Remember the woman I told you about?" Ray nodded, remembering the story of Azrael and her help. "Well, she basically has control over what the dead can do, yeah, and because I'm breaking rules in losing privileges." He scratched the inside of his arm aimlessly, staring at the background noise that was the film. "She's made it so I can't shield from anyone right now."   
  
The pieces seemed to click into place for the Puerto Rican and he too averted his gaze somewhere else. "So you stopped coming to work with Michael-"   
  
"-Because I can't stop everyone at that company from seeing me, as well as everyone on the way there." He made a small noise of annoyance, similar to a growl. "And she's somehow limiting my energy, I may not have to eat or sleep but I have to spend time in my Haven so I don't pass out, and the longer I spent here I get tired quicker, I used to be able to go days no problem and now I'm struggling with hours."   
  
He knew he was getting sympathetic looks from his friend and he shrugged. "I spend days just in my haven recharging enough so I can fight with her for more time, but..." He looked down at his hand, noting the skin paling to the point it was see through, and back to its normal colour wishing seconds. Ray, seeing this almost jumped back. "It's getting harder to win, she's easily dragging me back every time I come here."   
  
"So dude, why don't you just tell Michael all of this, tell him why you're here, the thing won't happen problem solved!" The dark haired man threw his hands up into the air as if the solution was simple.  
  
"Ray, you don't understand, right now I'm bending the rules, which is why I'm still able to be here right now. If I tell him that's the 'exact wording of the contract broken' as Mark says and I'll be moved from my haven to somewhere bloody random and I won't be able to come back ever."  He tipped his head back against the back of the sofa and whined. "Not living is so difficult. I hate it."   
  
"Can I ask you one thing?"  
  
"Sure."   
  
"What exactly is going to happen, that you want to prevent so much that you're risking never seeing him again?" Ray asked, and when Gavin have him the 'Don't tell' look he nodded his agreement.   
  
There was a beat of silence, Gavin lifted his head to make eye contact and he purse his lips before saying. "Michael's going to die too."   
  
He blacked out after that, unable to hold on any longer against the woman in charge.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hated this. He hated being dead, he hated his lack of energy, he hated not being able to warn Michael and most of all he hated the stupid bitch that kept him here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Another chapter but nearing the end... Awh. I wanna say a massive thank you to everyone who reads and supports this story, I realise I don't say it enough. I wouldn't still be writing if it weren't for you guys, so lots of love to you! This chapter starts as Micool's POV for the first section and then switches to Gavin's for the rest, I put a little ~~~ to show it.

Michael's game of Infamous was rudely interrupted by the shrill noise of his phone, he didn't pause his play through to answer it, however, far too focussed on trying to get a secret trophy for defeating Sasha. When the noise stopped he didn't think to get up and check it, assuming the person would call again if it was important.  
  
Unfortunately, it clearly was important, because the phone rang again. Michael let out a few choice words as he paused his game and searched for his phone among his abandoned hoodie. Upon finding the device he frowned, the caller ID saying it was Ray calling him. He laughed to himself as he answered the phone, he'd sent Gavin over to the Puerto Rican's just an hour ago because he'd wanted to see if his boyfriend would open up to someone who wasn't him.  
  
He also thought that perhaps if the British man spent time with both his friend and partner equally he could be convinced to show himself to more people at Achievement hunter. It was a long shot but worth the try.  
  
"Is he annoying you already?" The New Jersey lad asked when there was no 'hello' from the other end of the line.  
  
There was still a brief pause before Ray, in a timid voice, replied. "Um, no... He disappeared."  
  
"He what?"  
  
Another pause and Michael could imagine the youngest lad was trying to make sense of something he was still not entirely used to. "He was here and then he just... wasn't."  
  
Ray had only found out about Gavin three days ago, and he'd welcomed the opportunity to talk to Gav again with open arms, anything the couple told him about when he would be around or when he might not be was accepted without question y Ray, who's only response was 'Yolo right'. The phrase seemed fitting for their situation. But there were still times when the two remaining lads would be alone, and the other man would take the chance to voice his worries and concerns. "What if he's not here forever?" He'd ask. "How do you know when he disappears he'll definitely come back?" and Michael understood the man's doubts and worries, he was harbouring many of them himself, but he shrugged them off with a simple "I don't wanna think about it."  
  
Now, he knew Ray had never experienced Gavin flicking out of sight before, granted Michael had never seen it either but he was aware of it happening. He would always see Gavin appear from thin air but he always fell asleep with the man still there, only to wake to an empty apartment. "Did he say where he was going?" Michael asked curiously.  
  
"No." Ray's voice was still filled with worry, like it was his fault the prick had decided to flutter off without explanation. "He was talking to me and then he just vanished."  
  
"Well, he normally goes away quite often so I wouldn't take it personally Ray," The Rage Quitter sighed, running a hand through his curls. "Did he... Did he tell you anything, you know, about what's going on lately?"  
  
There was an extended pause, one that was filled with tension, despite it being over the phone. Michael could almost feel Ray debating what to say, and he could picture him trying hard to come up with an alternate answer to the truth.  
  
"No." Was the answer he finally got, a quiet and defeated sort of noise that barely passed as a word. It was laden with guilt and the older man silently understood. Ray knew something, that was obvious, but clearly he was supposed to find out from Gavin himself.  
  
“Alright.”  Michael nodded, despite knowing he couldn’t be seen. “I’ll call you when he shows up.” With that he hung up the phone, feeling slightly bad for his friend considering he’d just seen his other friend disappear and he’d probably called Michael for some form of reassurance that it wasn’t a bad thing.   
  
Which is why he hung up, he supposed, he couldn’t say whether it was a bad thing or not.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
~~~  
  
Gavin didn’t know how long he sat in his fake apartment, watching Ray through the window and desperately trying to get back there.   
  
The last thing he remembered was telling Ray why he was there, why he’d decided to come back to his lover in the first place, and then he’d woken up here. He had no idea how long had passed between his passing out and waking up, but had assumed it had not been long since when he went to the Window, the Puerto Rican was still staring at the empty spot on his sofa with a horrified expression on his face.   
  
He hated this. He hated being dead, he hated his lack of energy, he hated not being able to warn Michael and most of all he hated the stupid bitch that kept him here.   
  
He probably shouldn’t think like that he knew, but as he failed to get back to Ray for the fourth time he couldn’t help but feel frustrated. “Bloody hell.” He cursed aloud, falling back on the bed and staring at the ceiling.   
  
Gavin was a rather expressive person when he’d been alive; his default settings were joy and excitement, but there were times when Gavin would be affected by other emotions and it was easy to tell which they were. He never bothered to hide what he felt around people, there were days when exhaustion and annoyance set in, and he’d slouch in his desk chair editing silently, a neutral expression on his face, and there were also days when he’d crawl into Michael’s lap and sob because he could.  Though those days were rare, there was nothing at all hidden or secret about them.   
  
Since he’d died though, since all of this started, he had been determined to not let his emotions get in his way. He’d never had time to be sad when he’d first started trying to make contact with anyone, all he had was the hope that he could be with the people he loved again, and make them happier for at least a little while. Since he’d found out about his Michael’s fate, he’d only had the determination to stop it, and again more hope that he could.   
  
Now the reality was hitting him that maybe he couldn’t save his boi, and he was supposed to sit back and watch the love of his life die. All he had to do was be there until the day it was supposed to happen and stop Michael getting into the car. He had just five days to stop it and he was stuck here.  
  
The tears were falling before he could stop them, each one a harsh reminder of how useless he was, sat here crying rather than saving someone’s life. He wished he’d never been so stupid as to die, why was he such an idiot? He wished he’d never gone to England, he wished he’d never looked into Michael’s future. There was so much he wished he’d never done, and instead of doing something about it he was lay here crying like a pathetic child.   
  
Another five minutes and he forced himself into a sitting position, wiping the tears with the back of his hand. Maybe he should just give up now, let it happen, maybe he could meet Michael in the afterlife like others had done with their family members.   
  
“Stupid idea.” He mumbled sniffling, lifting his gaze to the window. Ray’s apartment was still filling the space, but now the man was on the phone.   
  
Gavin stared for a long moment; he had to make a choice right now. He could keep trying, to hell with the rules, and try to save Michael from this existence. Or he could stay away from now on, and let nature take its course.   
  
With a heavy sigh, a pout, and a mutter of ‘why me’, Gavin shuffled over to the window, focussing hard on Ray.   
  
Michael’s own words to him swam in his head.  
  
 _You’re hard to get rid of._  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
He let out a squawk as he found himself in Ray’s apartment; he was never going to get used to the feeling of transporting himself like that. It was like going over a big drop and feeling like your stomach had been left behind.   
  
Gavin had barely managed to stop his head spinning before a solid weight hit him and nearly knocked him over. Looking down he realised it way Ray, having wrapped his arms around the Brit and was now hugging him.   
  
“Alright X-Ray?” Gavin chuckled, wrapping his arms around his friend.    
  
The younger man pulled back quickly, glaring up at him and almost looking like he was going to slap him. “You scared the shit outta me!” He snapped, folding his arms over his chest. “Where the hell did you go?”  
  
With a small amount of shame, Gavin sighed. “Sorry, I told you it’s getting harder to stay.” That seemed to be enough for the other, as he relaxed, arms dropping to his sides. “How long was I gone?”  
  
“About forty-five minutes.”  
  
“Not too bad then.”  
  
Ray nodded silently, and there was a few moments spent in silence before anyone spoke again. “I talked to Michael.”  
  
Panic rose in the dead man’s chest. “What did you tell him?”  
  
“Nothing!” Ray answered, raising his hands in an almost surrendering motion. “I was just a bit… scared, I wanted to know if you disappearing like that had happened before.”  
  
The answer did little to console Gavin however, who knew his boi well enough that he knew questions would be raised next time he went to the man. “What am I supposed to do?”  
  
Ray shrugged, the question coming seemingly out of nowhere. “If you want my advice, you should tell Michael.” He said, holding up a hand to silence the protest Gavin was about to voice. “I know you said it would be breaking the rules and I love that your back, but doesn’t he deserve to know what’s coming?” As he spoke, he watched his friend with wide apologetic eyes. “I mean, if you’re constantly popping back and forth between here and fucking dead-land, what’s to stop you popping away just before you intervene?”  
  
Damn. Ray had a point, a very good point too. Azrael had been pulling him away at her leisure so far, if she really didn’t want him to help she could drag him away kicking and screaming at a crucial moment.   
  
“I have to tell Michael.”  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Hiding. Gavin was hiding from his own Boyfriend, in his own flat. This was stupid.   
  
Since Ray had told him what to do, he’d come straight to see Michael, and then chickened out. He was in the bathroom, listening to the pacing footsteps of said Michael.   
  
He wanted to just get it over with but he can’t, he was scared he wouldn’t even get the chance, he was scared that this could be the last time he’d ever see the love of his life.   
  
_Come on Gavin. Stop being a minge and do it.  
  
_ Reaching for the door the Brit sighed and then dropped his arm. He couldn’t do this. He had to do this. He was going to do this. He reached for the door and this time forced himself to open it.   
  
“Micool?” He called, edging his way out and peeking round the corner into the living room.   
  
“Gav?” The curly haired man stopped his pacing to stare at Gavin, having almost the same reaction as Ray; he launched himself forward onto the Brit and enveloping him into a hug. Gavin relished it, hugging him back and inhaling the smell of Michael, his aftershave on his neck and the smell of shampoo in his hair. “You had Ray worried, he was on the phone like ten minutes ago.”  
  
“Yeah, I had to go somewhere.” He lied easily; pulling his partner to the couch and making him sit down. “I just came here to talk to you. Quickly.”  
  
Michael frowned, lacing his hand with one of the tanned man’s. “Okay… What’s up?”  
  
Gavin took a deep breath, before explaining. “I came back from the dead or whatever because I saw something in your future I didn’t want to happen-“  
  
“You can see into the future!”  
  
“-Michael please, shut up.” Gavin scolded. “I need you to listen ‘cause I don’t know how long I’ll be here.” After waiting for the American to nod and promise his silence, the Brit continued. “You’re going to get into a car wreck very soon and I want to stop it happening.”  
  
There was a long silence, almost too long. The auburn haired man was staring at Gavin, brows furrowed, brown eyes slightly unfocused as they stared. Gavin’s panic seemed to escalate with each passing moment. He could deal with anything but silence, yelling, crying, just not silence. As he was, Michael was hard to read, he couldn’t tell what the other man was thinking right now, and it was killing him.   
  
“Do I die?” Michael eventually asked, the words barely a whisper.  
  
He did not respond with words, but instead nodded his head, a frown pulling at his lips.   
  
The silence returned, but this time it was thicker with tension, he could almost feel the emotions radiating from his partner. Confusion, fear, there was even a slight hint of anger mixed in there.   
  
Then, Michael asked something that was stupid even in Gavin’s standards. “Why would you stop it?”  
  
It was like being slapped in the face. Here he was, risking his second chance to save Michael’s life and the man was _questioning that?_   
  
“What d’you mean why would I stop it? Because I don’t want you dead!” Gavin snapped angrily.   
  
The other man still looked confused. “But Gav,” He started softly; pulling the hand he was holding to his chest and cupping his face. “Why would you stop it if it meant we’d both be in the same place?”  
  
Clearly Michael was not thinking straight, because what he was saying was ludicrous. Either that or the man thought him so selfish that he would allow Michael to die just to have some company. “I’m stopping it because you don’t deserve this, Micool.” He hated that he’d started to well up already, forever emotional as always. “This isn’t good at all; its torture and you don’t deserve it.”  
  
Michael was still clutching the hand to his chest, and he pulled it to his lips to give the back of it a soft kiss. “I just wanna be with you Gav, for as long as I can, for as long as I didn’t get to when you were alive.”   
  
“I know, I want that too but…” He sniffled, he wanted all the time in the world and he didn’t have it, the hand Michael kissed was growing cold and pale, but he didn’t mention it. “Don’t get in the car until next week, promise me.” He begged, watching the pale spread on his arm.   
  
“Gavin…”  
  
“Michael Jones. Promise me, I love you so bloody much, but I don’t wanna see you die like that.” The tears won their battle and spilled down his cheeks; he desperately clung to his partner’s shirt with his still free hand and pulled him close. “I want to see you die as a grumpy old man, okay?”  
  
The New Jersey man looked horrified at the sight of tears, and even more so at the idea that he was causing them. “Only if you promise me you’ll always be here while I get old.” He said, pulling him in to press a chaste kiss to his lips, but Gavin let out a small sob at the suggestion and he shook his head slightly, pulling back before the kiss could happen. “Gav, what’s the matter? Look at me.”  
  
“I can’t, not now.”  
  
“Not now?” Michael laughed, but it was a forced and empty sound that made Gavin flinch. “Why… What do you mean?”  
  
“They’re gonna take me away now, I’ve told you.” The Brit whimpered, directing his gaze down to his almost translucent hand.   
  
The American followed his gaze and took in a sharp breath at the sight. “What’s happening to you?”  
  
“I broke the rules, Micool, I told you about the future.” Gavin tried to get as close as he could, shuffling inch by inch until their knees were knocking together and he bit his lip. “I’m not allowed here anymore… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”  
  
Michael may have well screamed for how upset he was, because the tear that landed on Gavin’s leg was just as hurtful as if the man had called him a stupid bastard and slapped him across the face.   
  
“You can’t come back?” Gavin shook his head. “Ever?” Another shake of the head. “You gave up your chance to stay to warn me?” A nod this time. After a long pause, Michael looked down and let out another bitter laugh. “Why is it the one time you’re selfless is when I want you to be selfish?”  
  
Gavin managed a small smile, and shrugged. “You make me selfless Micool.”  
  
Michael then did laugh a small and weak but genuine laugh. “You’re ridiculous, but I love you Gavvers… And I’m sure as hell going to miss you.” His voice cracked a little at the thought of having to miss him again.   
  
“I’ll miss you too, love.”  
  
There wasn’t time for silence this time, the younger man decided, leaning over and grabbing his boi’s face and pulling him in for a kiss. It was a chaste press of lips at first, both men timid that any second Gavin would be gone forever, but soon enough that reason became their motivation to make the most of this chance. Gavin’s hand went to the back of Michael’s neck, pulling him in for a better angle, while he felt hands in his own hair pulling slightly, fingernails scratching the scalp just lightly and it felt wonderful.   
  
Gavin whimpered, this time for a whole different reason as a tongue invaded his mouth and taunted his own into a dance, and he closed his eyes, winding his arms around the others neck as he was lain down on the sofa, Michael resting against him, a comforting weight to remind him he was still here for now. One of Michael’s hands went to his hip, pushing up under the shirt to touch bare skin. For the first time in what felt like forever, Gavin felt truly happy.  
  
But then the hand was gone, the kiss was gone everything was cold, and when he opened his eyes again, he was back in his fake apartment. The window smashed. 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If he keeps doing that I'm gonna kill him again." Michael muttered, a look of understanding crossing Ray's face, followed by a snicker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a piece of shit, I know :(   
> I got the chapter done at least, I don't know why it took me so long, but it's back up in the works now and this is the eighth chapter of ten! Nearing the end now
> 
> I also want to say a very massive thank you you to you guys, I honestly don't think I would have had the drive and motivation to write this again if it weren't for all of your support. You're all fucking amazing and I love you all! <3 xxx
> 
> (Also, someone recommended the song Don't Wake Me by Skillet, and she's right I feel it goes really well with the story so if you wanna give that a listen it's great!)

Michael wasn't all too surprised when the skin he was touching faded away into thin air and the lips he'd had between his own left a tingling sensation as they too disappeared. Gavin had said they would take him, and he had expected nothing less, it's not like the Brit would get that hysteric if he wasn't certain. Still, there was an empty feeling that he had left behind, a feeling of guilt and pain because there was nothing Michael could have possibly done to stop it.  
  
For a few moments he just lay there, face down on the couch with his face buried in the crook of his arm, and he was just breathing. Emotions were fighting it out in the pit of his stomach, and it made his head spin. The urge to cry was overwhelming, to stay there and wallow in self pity, cry and scream and ignore the fact he had a life to get on with because he'd just lost the love of his life for the second time. Instead he forced himself to sit, and he swallowed around the lump in his throat. Not this time, he told himself, not again.  
  
He had mourned for Gavin the last time, he had done the whole depression thing, he had wasted months of his life wishing he was back, and he had cried a whole hell of a lot. That first time had damn near stopped his heart, and he wouldn't let it happen again.  
  
Gavin had left because he'd given Michael the chance to live, who was he to throw that back in the man's face by wasting it in a slump. He'd push through and live like the Brit would want him to, because even when he wasn't here anymore Michael couldn't help but want to please the man.  
  
Thank god it was Friday, at least he had the weekend to gather himself and avoid questions from Ray. The younger man had already tried calling once, and he would try again soon if he knew him at all. As if on cue the device lit up again, displaying Ray's name and a funny looking selfie that he'd once taken on Michael's phone, since to be used as his caller ID photo. Michael reached over slowly, and he hit decline. Hopefully Ray would take the hint and stop trying.  
  
It wasn't late, only about half past eight, but still Michael felt exhausted. He dragged himself from his seated position and wandered to the kitchen. His feet wouldn't move as fast as he wanted them to, instead dragging along the floor as he moved. He took his time disposing of empty bottles and clearing away dishes. Stalling for time is what he was doing, and he knew it, he thought the longer he spent awake he maybe had a chance of seeing Gavin again. The logical side of his brain was calling his a moron and to just go to fucking bed already.  
  
He did. Dumping the last bottle into the bin and storming off. Anger he could deal with, anger was to be expected, and when he flopped down onto his bed, he rolled over and smacked his fist into the pillow, Gavin's pillow. He hit it again, and again and again. He felt better for it at least, each punch he delivered releasing some of the tension in his body. Eventually he had to stop though, the pillow he had been abusing was Gavin's, and once the rage had passed it was replaced with that dumb sense of sentimentality, and he found himself fixing the pillow before he processed what was happening. He fluffed it, smoother out the creases and lay it next to him again, untouched.  
  
There wasn't much he felt he could do after that, his body was drained but his mind was way too active. Removing his glasses and setting them on the nightstand, he shucked off his jeans and buried himself under the thick duvet. He pulled it over his head and dragged it in until from any other point of view it would look like a lump on the bed. Curled into a ball and hugging his knees to his chest, he simply lay. He didn't know what time it was when he finally drifted off, he couldn't be bothered to check, he simply let himself go.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
As the weekend passed the attempts at contact got more frequent, Ray rang twice on Saturday and text eight times, then on Sunday rang four times and text a record fifteen times. This led Michael to believe that the Puerto Rican knew what Gavin was going to say, and he knew that after that there would be no Gavin. Otherwise there was no other reason for the man to be so desperate to get into contact with him.  
  
He didn't respond to any of the attempts, however, despite feeling that someone he could talk to about all this would be helpful. Who else could he really go to about Gavin's disappearance when he was still a dead man to everyone but himself and Ray?  
  
It took him until Monday morning to decide that taking any more time off work wasn't an option, and his ignored phone was scooped up from the coffee table. He cursed when he saw the calls and texts from his friend, but at the same time he was still glad he had ignored them.  
  
The time he'd spent ignoring Ray, he had spent getting himself together emotionally, ready to carry on without a breakdown. He felt he'd done a pretty good job, he was still struggling with the idea he'd had a second chance and lost it, but he didn't feel like he was likely to cry about it anytime soon.  
  
Grabbing his stuff and throwing it all into a backpack his phone started to ring again, and he cursed Ray and his stupid worrying. To his surprise when he pulled the device out, the caller ID read 'Geoff R' and so he immediately answered it. "What's up boss man?"  
  
"Finally, asshole." Geoff grumbled down the phone, and Michael frowned.  
  
"What?" He asked, putting down the game cases he was about to place in his bag.  
  
"You have no idea how freaked out you got Ray, he's rang me twice bitching about how you wouldn't pick up your phone!"  
  
Rolling his eyes, Michael smirked. "Yeah sorry, I'll talk to him at work today 'bout it."  
  
"You better... But you're okay right?" The worried tone of Geoff's voice was subtle yet loud and clear; almost as if he thought he didn't have to worry anymore and had just been proven wrong.  
  
"Yeah, Geoff." He wasn't entirely sure he was telling the truth, but he knew he would be fine as soon as this all blew over and he could go back to normal knowing Gavin was probably watching him and happy. "Yeah I'm fine, my phone was just fucked all weekend, and I had to take it for repairs."  
  
It was a pathetic lie but it seemed to fly with Geoff who sighed noticeably down the line. "Alright, well explain that to Ray and get him off my back."  
  
"I will." Michael smiled, muttering a quick 'see you at work' and hanging up. He packed a few of his games into his bag and grabbed his keys, petting the cat on his way out.  
  
He wasn't exactly surprised when he got outside to his car and he hesitated. Gavin's words were swimming through his head as he considered the vehicle in front of him. Gavin had made him promise not to get in the car, but it had only been a day so what if the day he died hadn't come yet... Maybe he still had time to use the car.  
  
There wasn't a chance to find out, however, as he soon found himself flat on his back staring at the sky. When he pushed himself up on his elbows to see what he'd tripped on, he was presented with and angry looking Gavin. "You promised, Micool!" He gritted out, folding his arms in apparent frustration.  
  
Michael stared for a moment, unable to force his body into action as he considered the man there... And the he was gone. It was like in the office that day, he blinked and the space Gavin had occupied was empty.  
  
"What the fuck?" He jumped to his feet, stepping into the area by his car, and then walked all around the car; he even took off his glasses to inspect them before ruling them okay and slipping them back onto his face.  
  
He was very aware that he was in the street, and should anyone leave the apartment building right now or pass by walking their dog, they'd probably think he was fucking insane. He was staring at his car, his backpack abandoned on the sidewalk, and muttering curses to himself.  
  
Michael knew he couldn't waste anymore time circling his car if he wanted to be on time, but he was still puzzled by what he'd seen. He had an idea, though; it felt like Gavin was still clawing his way through in order to protect him.  
  
His heart swelled with pride and sadness at the same time, Gavin was getting into god knows how much trouble to preserve him, but that also meant they couldn't see each other anymore. It was like a fucked up Shakespeare thing and he hated it.  
  
"I fucking love you." He said to the air before scooping up his bag and beginning the walk to work, ignoring the lump in his throat.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
  
Work wasn't quite the relief he had hoped for. He walked through the door and Ray practically pounced on him.  
  
"Did Gav see you Friday?" He asked, the panic in his wide eyes was evident and it pulled at Michael's heart strings. "Why didn't you answer your phone, I tried calling to make sure you're okay but you never answered."  
  
"Ray, calm down." Michael said, settling a hand on the Puerto Ricans shoulder and giving a little squeeze. "Wanna go grab some coffee or something?" He was wary of Geoff watching them from his desk in the corner, the man obviously couldn't hear him going of the headphones he was wearing and the COD game that was still going on in the background, but if Michael wasn't taking the chance. "I'll tell you everything."  
  
Ray nodded eagerly, allowing Michael the time to drop his backpack onto his chair before dragging the man out of the office. To his credit he waited until they were actually in the kitchen and alone before he unleashed his questions again. "What happened? I was worried after Gav told me what was going on."  
  
"So you did know." Michael raised an eyebrow at him before turning to the fridge, digging out a bottle of water for Ray and a Red bull for himself.  
  
"Well... Yeah kinda." Ray had a guilty look on his face, and he accepted the bottle of water with a little mutter of 'thank you' but did not open it. "I told him to tell you."  
  
Michael paused at those words, the can halfway to his mouth as he considered what Ray had said. He wanted to hug him and hit him all at once; he'd saved his life in a sense but robbed him of Gavin just the same. He quickly realised however, that no matter what advice he got, it was Gavin's own independent choice to tell him what he did, and no one else could be blamed for it. "Yeah he took your advice, if it means anything."  
  
"So what happened? Did he..."  
  
"Disappear, yeah. He's gone, I think."  
  
Ray frowned deeply, his gaze dropping to the bottle of water in his hand. "I'm sorry."  
  
For some reason, Michael couldn't stand the look on Ray's face, he was guilty about it, and he supposed that was normal but he didn't want anyone else to be sad about this. "No, don't be. He saved my life, and...” He trailed off, unsure whether he should mention he'd seen Gavin that very morning. Or would that just spark hope in Ray, only to later have that shattered. "And he told me that he doesn't want moping around like angsty teenagers."  
  
The lie wasn't completely out there, and Ray accepted it easily. They stood awkwardly for a moment before Ray initiated a brief hug, and they made their way back to the office chatting softly about the lets play they'd be filming today.  
  
The rest of the day passed in a comfortably similar way. After one recording, Michael was able to focus on his editing of a rage quit.  
  
There was a little time he had spare while waiting for the thing to render that he dipped into some of the old lets plays. He couldn't remember how long he spent watching their old videos, starting with the slender rage quit and going through anything he could think of with Gavin in it.  
  
At some point Ray had finished filming his achievement guide and he wheeled his chair closer and stole a pair of headphones to watch capture the tower with him. Sometime after that, he wasn't sure when, he was wiping tears from his face. They were good tears though, as he couldn't stop grinning and laughing at some of the things coming from Gavin's mouth.  
  
Before too long Ray had moved away again, and Geoff's hand fell on his shoulder. He turned and pulled off his headphones, wiping his face again to rid any evidence of emotion.  
  
"Your surgeon simulator video was gold." And that's all he said. The moustached man gave him an understanding nod before he left the room presumably to get some coffee.  
  
He pretended he didn't see the sad look Jack had plastered on his face when he realised what Geoff meant, and he ignored the sympathetic smile Ryan offered, instead loading up the surgeon simulator video and slipping his headphones on.  
  
It had been so long since he'd cried from laughter.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Michael didn't appreciate his imminent death being in a car accident, he wasn't exactly unfit and the walk wasn't far, but he was lazy. A ten minute walk twice a day was asking too much of him if he was being honest. One week, he reminded himself, Gavin's words implied that after next week he no longer had to worry. How accurate was Gavin's information though, what if it was going to happen no matter what, and he had to forever avoid cars?  
  
He supposed he would find out eventually when he dared enter a vehicle again. He sighed, focussing his attention on the road he was about to cross in order to reach his apartment block. Impatient didn't describe how he was feeling by the time he was able to cross and enter the building. It had been a long day, his muscles ached and he felt disgusting. He wanted to shower, order takeaway and watch some Game of Thrones before some fucker at work spoiled it for him.  
  
When he unlocked his door however, his plans changed completely. Tuna was sat on Gavin's lap purring happily, while the Brit scratched her head. He almost fell to the floor, but he didn't, instead dropping his keys and making the man look up. Half of him wanted to shut the door and walk back out again; didn't Gav understand how long much this was going to mess with his head? Then again, he was head over heels in love with him, so he couldn't stay too mad, or get mad at all it seemed.  
  
"Micool!" Gavin hopped to his feet, dropping the cat onto the sofa and rushing over to him. There was a panicked look in his eyes and he reached out to grab his hands, holding them tightly.  
  
"Gavin... How can you-"  
  
"Billions of dead people, it’s easy to slip through the cracks." Gavin whispered, dragging a still confused Michael into his arms and kissing anywhere he could reach. "I can't stay long though; pretty soon I won't be able to get back at all... But I had to make sure you didn't take the car."  
  
His head was reeling, and he was sure he could feel a headache blooming behind his eyes as he tried to comprehend what Gavin was saying. "You were there this morning?" He asked, then shaking his head at his own question, that wasn't important anymore. "You said you wouldn't be able to come back anymore... But you can... How long do we have?"  
  
Gavin paused his hands where they had been carding through Michael's hair, touching his face and his arms, and he dropped them to his sides again. "I have no idea how long, I could go now and risk having the chance again tomorrow, and I could stay for hours and not get a chance again... Or I could get more chances no matter how long I stay. I dunno." The panic in his eyes changed to something more similar to pain and he looked down. "I should go now."  
  
"What?" The change between 'I'm here' to 'I'm going now' was lightning fast and barely comprehendible for Michael. Something must have happened, was Gavin getting some weird vibe that meant he had to leave? "Why, what's wrong?"  
  
"No time." The Brit surged forward to connect their lips, wrapping his arms around Michael's neck to give him a brief squeeze until once again, Michael found himself grabbing for air.  
  
"I wish you wouldn't do that, asshole." He said grumpily, staring at the air in front of him for almost too long; just to check his boyfriend definitely was gone. He was. He bent to scoop the keys off the floor, shutting himself into his apartment and locking himself in. Obviously Gavin was still able to get here somehow, but there was no telling when he would come or how long he'd be able to do this for. "I take back my earlier thoughts. This is without a doubt going to fuck me up in the head."  
  
Talking out loud to thin air may not be the sanest way to deal with this, but he knew someone up there would be listening, and so it made him feel so much better about it. "How am I ever supposed to move on if I know my damn dead boyfriend might pop in any moment?" None of Michael's words were said in anger, if anything he was just tired. Tired and confused and sad. "Then again I had no hope of moving on anyway, there was only one Gavin in the world."  
  
He had no idea that tucked away in his haven Gavin was grinning.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Six days passed, and Michael was forced to tell Ray about the brief contact he was getting from Gavin. It helped, having a friend to talk to, because he was getting worried again. Gavin never stayed longer than two or three minutes, defying all odds by being there. Each time the pair would spend all of their time talking and holding each other, Gavin often described it as the goodbye they never got last time, and Michael hated that. He would tell him to stop, that he didn't want to think about losing him a second time. It meant the British man would leave upset, but he always came back in a day or two without fail.  
  
They knew their time was limited, that's what made it awful every time they spent time together. Gavin started to talk about not being there anymore, he explained that he was using someone else's window to get to him, since his had been broken the night he'd broken the rule, and sooner or later someone would notice that the activity was odd and he'd be caught. Azrael had given him the benefit of the doubt and allowed him to stay in the haven he'd created, but left him unable to visit any of his loved ones, and deprived him of the ability to even see them through his window.  
  
As he explained it all to Ray, Michael realised just how fucking insane all of this was, and he didn't even care. He'd known the day Gavin died he'd spend the rest of his life being a walking shrine to the man, practically; there was simply nothing he could, or wanted, to do about that.  
  
"So why are you moping round all the time if you get to see him again, aren't you happy?" Ray asked, pausing the game they had been playing to look at Michael fully. They had both come to the New Jersey man's apartment for their game night; they had started having one almost every other night since this started. Mainly because Michael wanted to have company in the small flat, but also because he wanted to make up for the many missed times they’d had planned.  
  
"The day I was supposed to die is tomorrow." Michael sighed, scratching at his curls absently. "I have an awful feeling that once I'm fine, that's it, he'll stop taking the risk and I'll have to go back to a shitty life with no boyfriend."  
  
"Hey, you're life's not so shitty. You've got me." Ray joked, nudging at the auburn haired man with his elbow.  
  
"Well yeah, but you know what I mean. I've spent nearly six month getting used to having him around again, it'll be hell trying to get used living without him... again."  
  
"I hate to be that one honest friend-" Michael snorted, but Ray continued ignoring the man and silencing him with a swat to the arm. "But... He did a good thing, and you can't help the fact he's dead really. Eventually he was gonna have to stop seeing you, for one reason or another. Do him a massive favour and don't be a punk bitch and mope around for the rest of your life."  
  
"You're telling me you're not gonna miss him?" Michael asked, raising an accusing eyebrow at his Puerto Rican friend.  
  
"Of course I'm gonna miss him, but I'm not gonna stop my life and cry about it. I did the first time... But that's ‘cause I thought he was gone for good. At least this time I know he's around somewhere, I just can't see him anymore."  
  
Michael smirked, looking down at his controller in his hand to avoid the others gaze a little bit. "You make him sound like an imaginary friend."  
  
"Hey, whatever helps you feel better about it."  
  
Ray was right, to his credit, when he thought about it that way it did make him feel better. If he reminded himself Gavin was never really gone, he just wasn't here right now, and he didn't feel as empty inside as he had five minutes ago. Plus he had his brand new tactic of talking to the air and assuming the Brit could hear it. He supposed he just wished that neither of them were so damn killable. "Shut up and play the damn game, Ray."  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
When Michael got up for work the next day, his stomach was in knots. Ray had left with encouraging words, and the promise of calling him every five minutes if he didn't show up for work, because he'd likely be dead or moping and neither was good. He spent the morning being extra careful with himself, even though Gav had told him it was the car that would do him in, he wasn't taking any chances. He showered and made sure not to slip on the floor, he was careful about making coffee and walking down the stairs. He didn't even look at his car, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and walking along the sidewalk with his head held high.  
  
The rest of the day felt the same; he was weary of his drinks next to his technology, unwilling to spill anything. He didn't take part in a bet with Kerry for an RT life, playing it off as being an 'easy win' and it wouldn't be fun to watch. Even Ray was treating him like he was made of glass, and he was a little thankful for it. Luckily their recordings today consisted of a Minecraft, a GTA V and a VS that he was not involved in, so it would be a lot of sitting still for many hours and not a lot of physical activity.  
  
Once all the videos were filmed and organised to the right place to be edited later on he allowed himself to relax a little, there was only an hour and a bit left at work and then he could go home and live to see another day.  
  
It was that wonderful period of time where everyone knew it was the end of the day soon, so starting nothing was pointless, and instead easy conversation flowed between the five men. He wasn't sure how they'd ended up talking about nights out but they had, most likely because Geoff was complaining about having not had one in a while. This led to Ryan the clever guy suggesting they go out for one or two tonight.   
  
The plan however was flawed by Ray, who pointed out he didn’t drink, and neither did Ryan. So in the end they agreed to go to the nearest burger place instead.   
  
Michael didn't like the idea, on the one day he was trying to be risk free the guys wanted to go out somewhere. He tried to say no at least four times but was eventually worn down by their complaining, and he agreed to go for a little while, but lied about feeling unwell to get out of staying too long.  
  
And he did fully intend on going, maybe a little time out with his friends would take his mind off his imminent death, he felt good about the rest of the day since he'd survived this far. He felt good. Until he left work with them all, on their way to a nearby place for some food with their beer, he held the door for Ray as they walked, both planning on getting a ride from Geoff, and once again he found himself on his back, a cry of 'holy shit!' ringing in his ears.  
  
"Michael!" He was vaguely aware of Geoff's voice coming from somewhere above him, and once his vision stopped spinning he saw the tattooed man crouched over him wearing a worried expression. "What happened, are you alright?"  
  
Ray was also beside him, not crouched but looking down at him, and he too asked. "You okay, man?"  
  
"If he keeps doing that I'm gonna kill him again." Michael muttered, a look of understanding crossing Ray's face, followed by a snicker.  
  
"What?" Geoff asked, confused, looking between Ray and Michael as the latter pushed himself up into a sitting position. "Have you hit your head or something?"  
  
"No Geoff, I'm fine." Michael took a moment to gather his bearings before he stood, his Puerto Rican friend giving him a knowing look. "I don't think I should go out tonight."  
  
"No, neither do I. Did you just faint?" Geoff slapped a hand on his shoulder, carefully looking him up and down for any sign of injury. "Maybe I should take you to hospital, people don't just faint for no reason."  
  
Michael wanted to say, no, he didn't faint, Gavin tripped him up... But who was going to believe that? The question was, how come he hadn't seen Gavin this time when he'd tripped, last time the man had been there but this time it really was just thin air.  
  
Maybe he did faint.  
  
"No... No, honestly. I'll just go home and sleep, it's been a long week and I need to rest a bit that's all." He should be concerned at how good he was getting at lying but in this moment he was only thankful the lie worked.  
  
"Alright, we can drop you off on our way if you-"  
  
"No!" Michael shook his head, clearing his throat and repeating his refusal in a more calm fashion. "You guys just go, I can walk home... The car will probably make me feel worse anyway."  
  
Geoff gave him an uneasy look, searching Ray for answers but was only met with a shrug. "I don't know, Michael, I don't want you to faint on the way home or anything."  
  
"I'll be fine, honestly. I probably just need to eat something." That wasn't too much of a lie, as he knew it had been too long since breakfast time and now. "You guys go; you’ve got Ryan and Jack waiting for you probably.”  
  
It took another minute of what could only be described as an intense staring contest before Geoff let the man go. “Alright, but you text me when you make it home.” It wasn’t a request, and for once it was a demand that Michael would follow without argument, muttering a quick goodbye to the lad and the gent before departing, starting the short walk back to his house.  
  
Something told him he’d have a visitor.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
He wasn’t wrong, twenty minutes later he was still wrapped up in Gavin’s long arms, trying to process what he was saying.   
  
“I’m sorry Micool, but you’re safe now.” He said, murmuring in his stupid British accent into Michael’s curls.  “I want to stay, I do, but it’s impossible.”   
  
The Jersey lad nodded his head silently, as silent as he had been for most of the conversation. Gavin was saying goodbye; he was never coming back this time.   
  
It was a miracle he wasn’t crying, he felt the need to, the lump was in his throat and his eyes were burning with the tears. But he wasn’t crying. He refused to let himself do this.   
  
Ray’s words were circling in his head, he’s not gone, he’s just not here right now. He kept repeating that to himself silently, until his mantra was broken by Gavin moving away.   
  
“No.”   
  
The voice didn’t sound like his own, but it wasn’t Gavin who had said it, so it must have been him. Gavin was looking at him with sad eyes, his mouth pulled down in a frown.  
  
“I know you have to... to go, but can you just stay. Just for a little while longer.”  He hated the way his voice cracked at the end of his sentence, and how he could feel a tear rolling down his cheek.   
  
He wanted to reach up and wipe it away, apologise for crying like a bitch, but before he had the chance he felt a thumb running over his cheek to take the water drop away.   
  
There were little if no words exchanged after that, Gavin took Michael’s hand and lead him to their bedroom, helping him strip down just to his boxers. Gavin was touching Michael any chance he got; leaving little brushes of fingers against his ribs, his wrist, his neck, and it was perfect.   
  
The Brit guided Michael with his hands to lie on the bed, and he did, lying on his side as he was positioned. He was afraid that he would be left like this, but soon there was a dip in the bed, and Gavin was lying opposite him. He was dragged by his hips into the man’s chest and he didn’t hesitate to bury his head into his shirt.   
  
“Go to sleep, Michael.” He whispered.   
  
Michael couldn’t say no, he wasn’t tired when he’d gotten home just a little while ago, and it wasn’t even seven yet, but somehow Gavin’s quiet voice was enough to drain all his energy.   
  
It took a few minutes of silence, he fought it as much as he could, wanting to savour his possible last minutes with Gavin, but his eyes slid closed and his breathing evened out.   
  
He fell asleep thinking of his Brit, concentrating on the arm slung around his waist and the soft breathing he could hear. Michael fell asleep thinking goodbye, because he didn’t say it.   
  
To Michael, this wasn’t a goodbye, it was a see you again soon.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you think me and Ray are dating?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this chapter has been written, deleted and then rewritten a total of seven times and so I figured I just have to put it out there and see what happens right? So here it is, the final chapter of Missed Me? There will be an epilogue following tomorrow, or later tonight depending on how I feel about it. I want to thank everyone who read this, who liked it, favourited it, subscribed, commented. Without you wonderful people this story would have dropped off a long time ago and I thank you so much.
> 
> That being said I am working on another fic at the minute, a Freewood AU that I'm not sure when will be released. So if you'd like to keep tabs on that or even send me prompts for one shots or fics in the meantime, my tumblr is:
> 
> Crazy-Mad-Insane.Tumblr.Com
> 
> Once again I love you all, my dears, please enjoy the chapter!

"Hey Michael, can I grab you for a second?"   
  
Looking up from where he and Ray had been watching and rewatching a trailer for a new video game, Michael took in the sight of Burnie poking his head through the door of the Achievement Hunter office.   
  
"Uh, sure." He gave Ray a small smile as the man shuffled back to his own desk and he headed for the door.  
  
Normally, Michael wasn't intimidated by his superiors... Especially in a job like this where you could literally tell them to go fuck themselves and they'd laugh. However, there was something mildly concerning about the way he was lead to Burnie's office in silence, having only his back to try and read the situation off.  
  
It gave nothing away, sadly, and the New Jersey born lad was left wondering up until the moment they were shut inside the room that Burnie called his space and they both stood in an awkward kind of silence.  
  
Burnie was always like a fatherly figure to the entire company, his whole personality was just warm and inviting and he was very difficult not to like. Whenever someone was upset or sick, Burnie took it upon himself to check on them regularly and do his best to make them feel better. Not to mention whenever the man had control over one of their YouTube accounts and went through the comments putting down any haters. He was an all-round caring kind of guy, and the look on his face now was nothing short of concerned, which gave Michael a pretty huge hint as to why he was here.   
  
"I just wanted to check you were okay." Burnie said casually, perching himself on the end of his desk and casting a warm smile over at Michael. "Geoff is concerned that you're... I don't know... Depressed?" It was clear that the word wasn't the word he was initially searching for, because he immediately shook his head and tried again. "Upset, more like. He's noticed you watching some old videos a lot, and apparently you've been having 'secretive' conversations with Ray..."   
  
The man shrugged, his words trailing off into a nervous laugh as he clearly planned how to broach the subject. Michael found it all mildly amusing, and was also curious as to where this conversation was going, so he stuck to staring at the older man with a slightly impatient expression.  
  
"I just want you to know that if there's anything you're struggling with, we can help you." Finally he got the words out, grasping his hands together and holding them out in Michael's direction.  
  
"I'm not struggling with anything." Michael spoke up, letting his arms drop from where they'd been crossed over his chest.   
  
This conversation was frighteningly similar to one that he'd gotten from Burnie the day he'd returned to work properly just under two years ago, and something about that made him feel guilty. He was obviously worrying his friends to the point that they were beginning to think he was in a similar mental state to that of a mourning partner. Maybe he needed to stop being a piss-baby about all of this.  
  
"Still, the offer is there..." That look was back again, the look of deep thought and planning as Michael's superior tried to work out where to go from here. "And I'm sure no one would judge you if you had found someone that you really liked and-"   
  
"Oh my fucking god." Michael couldn't help the laughter bubbling from his chest, biting his lip in an attempt to stifle it. "I'm going to stop you there."   
  
The confusion and fear on Burnie's face was almost enough to make him howl with laughter, but he didn't, instead holding his hand up and taking a calming breath. "Me and Ray aren't seeing each other."   
  
"You're not?" It was rare that Burns ever took it upon himself to speculate about people's relationships, and he was a huge supporter of the fact that everyone's business was their own and no one else's, so it was interesting to see that he'd developed such an idea- though Michael highly doubted he'd come up with it alone.  
  
"No, we're not." Sighing, he shrugged his shoulders a little. "I've just been a little down lately, you know, and Ray is being a good friend. That's all."   
  
For once it was nice to be honest with himself.   
  
"If you needed support, we're all here for you, Michael."   
  
"I know, believe me I never forget how lucky I am to have that." He could have told Burnie everything and still feel like he was supported but he didn't. "It's been two years, seven months and you still never really get over it do you?"   
  
There was no verbal response from the other man, but there was sadness in his eyes that hadn't been there before and he nodded his head minutely in encouragement.   
  
"It's still just rough for me, you know. It's been a fucking long time but it still hurts sometimes." Opening up wasn't Michael's thing, sharing deep feelings wasn't Michael's thing, but doing it sort of felt good.  
  
"Michael, I'm going to give you some advice about this." His tone left no room for argument, and the lad feared he was going to be told to 'move on' like so many other people had told him. "If it ever stops hurting, there's something wrong."   
  
Silence was all he could muster, staring at Burnie with a blank expression.  
  
"You hurt because you loved him, and that feeling will never go away. If you ever stop missing him, ever stop wishing he wasn't back then you've stopped loving him- and I know you, so I know that won't happen." Burnie's gaze was firm, the sadness was still there, but it was fuelling him in his argument rather than holding him back. "Don't let anyone tell you that you have to move on or get over it, fuck that, if you're still mourning fifty years after he's gone that's fine. That's you. If you ever need some time off to recuperate, you come see me and I'll arrange that for you."  
  
He'd stood from his desk and his arms were folded in anger or exhaustion, it was difficult to tell, but going off the expression on his face he was simply tired. "The last thing I want to see is someone in my company, my friend, in a worse state because they didn't get the support they needed."   
  
Burnie's talk had been something of a wakeup call to Michael. Some of the guilt and upset he'd been feeling quickly washed away with the realisation that it was normal.  
  
Well the situation wasn't normal at all, but how he was feeling was entirely expected. And without him even knowing it, Burnie had told him exactly what he'd needed to hear.   
  
"Thank you, Burnie... That helped a lot."  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Hey Geoff?"  
  
As soon as he returned to the office he'd sought out the moustachioed man, luckily he was busy wrapping up next week’s trials files, so as soon as the capture was cut Michael pounced.   
  
"Do you think me and Ray are dating?"   
  
The gent barely had time to back out of the question and ended up sputtering a few sounds before sighing and bringing one hand to his face. "Burnie talked to you?"  
  
"Yeah he did, and he'd gotten the idea I was seeing someone," Michael found himself folding his arms over his chest with a questioning expression.   
  
"Well it's not my fault!"  
  
"You didn't tell him we were dating?"   
  
Geoff paused, and Michael could see the wheels turning behind his eyes as he tried to explain away his mistake. "Maybe I did." As soon as he admitted it, the gent was pointing accusingly back on the lad’s direction. "But you assholes are always going out together and snuggling at each other’s desks and shit!"   
  
"We don't snuggle at all!" Michael defended, rolling his eyes. "And what the fuck does that mean, we're always going out together, pretty sure Gus and Burnie go out together fairly often. Are you telling people they're dating too?" He had started angry, really angry. How dare Geoff just assume things about him? Not only that, how dare Geoff go and tell other people his business and then get those people to talk to him about it. But he'd supposed this is what happens when you leave people out of the loop so much... And Geoff's intentions were all good in hindsight- he'd only wanted Michael to know he was surrounded by people who supported whatever choices he made. So instead he sighed, dropping his head into his hand. "Sorry, Geoff."   
  
The muttered apology must have taken the gent by surprise, because he was looking nothing short of confused when he looked up again.   
  
"Sorry for not talking to you I guess." He explained. Though he hated this, it was good for him, on some level. On the level that was his emotional wellbeing it was great for him. "Me and Ray are not dating, I'm just trying to get things back to how they were before... Before Gavin died. I feel like I changed a bit-" He was reliably informed by Gavin that he had changed a lot. "-For the worst and I just wanted to fix a few things. One of them happened to be that I've been a fucking asshole to my friends for two years and I'm no fun anymore... Apparently."   
  
"Who said you were an asshole?"   
  
"That doesn't matter, the point I'm making is... You should never make assumptions, and also I'm okay."   
  
Geoff considered Michael's rant for an awkward amount of time, staring at the young man with the type of consideration he hadn't experienced in a very long time. "Alright, of you say you're okay, you're okay."   
  
"Really?" It wasn't often Geoff just have up an argument like that unless it was something he didn't care about.   
  
"Yeah. After that, I'm not arguing with you."   
  
He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He felt like he'd wanted a little argument, because that's what he did, argued. Yet at the same time, having Geoff trust him was something that made him trust himself. Maybe he really was okay.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
One month and counting. One month and counting since Gavin left. One month and counting since Burnie had confronted him. One month and counting since Michael last felt upset.  
  
He'd just gotten home from work when he'd realised. One month and counting, and the world hadn't ended.   
  
Michael had made some adjustments to his apartment since then. First of all, there were the pictures. In their line of work there was no shortage of images of the pair together, and even some their friends and families had captured during parties and nights out of them embracing.   
  
He found some of his favourites and had them printed, he framed them and then he placed them. One on their nightstand, the picture was of them their first trip to England. One of Gavin's cousins had been getting married and they were dressed up in their suits sharing some cake.   
  
He also stood one on the television stand, a screen cap from one of their videos, the two of them laughing and smiling together. One on their kitchen counter, the pair sat on the floor half asleep on each other after a convention, probably RTX. And finally one on the wall opposite the bathroom door, a picture of Gavin that Michael had taken when they travelled together to Australia. The Brit relaxed drinking a cocktail in the sun.   
  
He'd never thought to put up pictures before because they'd make him feel sad. Really that wasn't the case at all, having his partners face everywhere actually meant the world, and on the odd days he found himself talking out loud to himself (or rather to Gavin) it was a lot easier for him.  
  
One month and counting since Gavin left, since Burnie gave him a talk and since he'd last felt upset. He hoped there were many more months.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
 _Why did I come out tonight, why?_    
  
His slightly intoxicated brain couldn't make sense of the reasoning his earlier, and sober, brain had presented.  
  
It would be fun, they'd said, which it was, it was incredibly fun. Up until this second right here.  
  
"I'm guessing you're alone here, sweetie?"   
  
Don't get Michael wrong here, she was very attractive... Extremely in some people's opinions. Long blonde hair that was straightened and styled to hand over her shoulders and down onto her rather impressive breasts. Which she was showing off in a tight fitting white dress that barely reached her thighs.   
  
She was pretty, and if he didn't have any semblance of guilt he would have went for it. She clearly wasn't looking for anything more than one night, but Michael wasn't looking for anything at all.   
  
"You wanna buy me a drink maybe?"   
  
"Sorry... I'm here with my friends." Yes, friends. He turned his head to scan around the bar that they'd found their way into not long ago, he was sure Barbara, Lindsay, Kerry, and a whole host of other people were around here somewhere.   
  
The nameless woman looked shocked that she was being turned down, and reached her hand out to touch Michael's. It made him flinch away. "But-"  
  
"I have to go now." There wasn't a chance for anything else, he stumbled away from the bar and back towards the table he'd last seen people at, and was thankful when he spotted red and blonde hair bouncing slowly as if dancing.   
  
"Ladies." Was his greeting, slinging his arms around each of his friends.  
  
"Michael! Where have you been, Jordan went looking for you." It was Lindsay speaking, but he didn't look up, his hand still felt wrong and he'd ended up staring at it as he remembered the strange woman's touch. "Michael?"   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"Are you alright?" She had to shout over the music, which was loud and obnoxious as it is in most places downtown.   
  
"Someone wanted to have sex with me." He slurred, the arm around Barbara falling away and instead wrapping around Lindsay's waist, pulling her into him. Almost in a hug but there was an inch or so of space still between them, and one of his arms remained around her neck.  
  
She didn't seem to mind the contact though, after getting drunk with the man many, many times before she knew what to expect. "Wanted to have sex with you?"   
  
He nodded his head. "Yeah, yeah this girl at the bar and she was being flirty."   
  
A heavy frown set on the red heads face and she nodded to herself as if coming to a conclusion. "Okay Michael... Do you want to go home now? We'll go get a cab."   
  
Blindly, Michael followed Lindsay, she wrapped her hand in his and lead him to where the rest of the group were. Informing them all that they were leaving, and then she took him outside to call a cab and shoved him inside of it. He never let go of her hand the whole journey to his apartment.   
  
Lindsay's hand was okay, Lindsay's hand was friendly, warm, it was comfort when he needed it without knowing. That other woman's hand was all wrong, it was sexual and flirtatious... Only Gavin's hands could touch him like that.   
  
Without even realising it he was stumbling his way up the stairs, Lindsay being the driving force behind him and making him continue to move, and soon enough she was opening the door too.   
  
"Okay, here you go." She said, leading him by the hand to the bedroom. "You need to go to sleep, I'll go and get you some water."   
  
She did. Leaving the room and reappearing within minutes with a glass of water and a packet of painkillers for tomorrow. "Will you be okay if I go home... Wait why are you pouting?"   
  
"That woman wanted to have sex with me." He might as well have been talking to the ceiling because it was the only thing filling his line of sight.   
  
With a small laugh, and a dip in the bed, he found himself being pulled into a hug. "Yeah she did, but you didn't want to did you?" He shook his head. "No. And that's okay, Michael, if you don't want anyone else yet."  
  
"Never."   
  
Michael had been so firm about it that it made Lindsay pause, lifting her hand to comb through the curls on his head. "That's okay too, you know." She said softly, looking down at him from above. "If you don't want anyone else, don't have anyone else... Okay?"   
  
"Okay." His eyes were getting heavy, but much like a toddler he tried to talk himself awake. "Thank you Linds, you're a top friend, as he would say. I'll help you find a nice man one day, you see."   
  
"Okay Michael, I'll hold you to that." She giggled softly, planting a kiss to his forehead quickly. "Now you have to go to sleep because you've been drinking too much."   
  
"Wait!" He fought his way out of Lindsay's confused grip and reached for the picture on the nightstand. Carefully bringing his lips to the glass. "G'night Gavvers boi, love you."   
  
After that he allowed his friend to help him out if clothes and under the duvet, quickly drifting off into sleep. Before he drifted off though, he heard a faint. "See ya, Gav."   
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Six months ago today." Michael sighed at the picture on his tv stand. The image seemingly staring right back at him as he tried miserably to complete his latest full play in one last recording.   
  
"Fuck this!" He yelled into the microphone, the next sound was the audible thud of the controller against the floor and then he cut his audio. He'd try again later, he decided.   
  
Today was a bad day. Not a bad day for any particular reason, he was just having a bad day. Earlier he'd gotten nearly two hours into recording at home when his capture failed, his coffee machine was broken, for some reason that damn light above the TV was flickering and annoying the shit out of him, then the cat had shit on the floor. Just a bad day.   
  
Glancing at the clock he realised it was nearly ten, and even if he wanted to keep recording, soon it would be getting late and his energy would be at an all time low- especially since he had no damn coffee.   
  
 _Meow._  
  
"What?" Looking down below him revealed tuna, repeatedly making noises over and over again. "No, I'm pissed at you. Fuck off."   
  
He couldn't help himself though, just a few minutes later he was scooping the animal up into his arms and holding her there, scratching behind her ears.  
  
But she didn't stop meowing, meow, meow, meow. Over and over again, wriggling and even hissing a little until she was put down. "Alright, so you don't wanna be cuddled... Then what the fuck do you want?"   
  
 _Meow._    
  
"Really fucking helpful." He sighed, cocking his head to the side in interest as he watched the feline. She seemed to stare off into the darkened hallway and then brush against his leg wailing and then repeat.   
  
For a moment he considered getting up and checking the hallway, or at least turning the light on. But what was the point? "Alright Tuna, it's probably just the neighbours." He said, and it seemed to work. The cat hopping up into her armchair and curling up, still watching that hallway though.   
  
Twenty minutes went by in peace, and Michael reached for his xbox controller to switch it to Netflix.  
  
Meow.  
  
"Tuna, god fucking dammit, there's nothing there!" He shouted.   
  
His voice wavered though when his cat started to growl viciously, the hair on her back standing on end and her tail puffing up in a threat.   
  
There was another moment of doubt as he stared into the darkness, another moment he considered that there might be something worth investigating.   
  
"See, this is how you've messed me up in the head." Michael said out loud, once again shooting a gaze at the picture on the stand. "Now I know dead people walk I think there's one in our kitchen every time the cat has a fucking fit."   
  
He continued to shake his head in disappointment. "Still glad you came though... Six months today since you left. Prick."   
  
There was a hint of humour in his voice, and his words died off into a yawn that left him shuddering in his seat. "Come on Tuna, we're going to go to bed."   
  
The cat didn't let up, hissing and spitting at the darkness. Before long, the lad stomped to the light switch and flicked it on. He was a little disappointed when there was nothing there, he hated to admit it, but he'd been expecting something. Hoping, there was something. But there was just empty space, though Gavin's picture was a little crooked in the wall which was odd. "Is that what you were getting pissy for?" He asked, looking down to the now purring ball of fur. "Did the picture move and you flipped your shit? Stupid cat."   
  
Rolling his eyes, Michael bent down and scooped up the animal, holding her close to his chest as he flicked all of the lights of and wandered through to the bedroom. "Bed now, kitty."   
  
It was safe to say drifting to sleep that night had been difficult, the cat hissed and growled, the rain started pretty late on and hammered against his window, and overall he just felt uneasy. Like something was wrong. "What is this? Fucking paranormal activity." He sighed, Gavin was not here physically anymore. He couldn't keep thinking like this. "No, I'm done."   
  
Eventually though, he did find a nice time to drift off that night. Though he never lost the feeling if being watched, as stupid as it was.  
  
\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Turns out Grief is a funny thing. It can last days or years and everything in between. Sometimes it takes a little to get you through, and sometimes it takes a lot.  
  
Michael learnt that it took a whole hell of a lot to get him through, for two years he ignored help from the people closest to him. He was convinced he was strong enough to carry himself through, but he wasn't. It took Gavin returning (albeit for unrelated reasons) to show him how he was going.  
  
Gavin never told Michael how the accident was caused, another car hit him, he hit another car, he swerved, he was drunk, just not paying attention... The list is endless. Michael just didn't know, but what he does know for the future is 1) not to take the car for granted because it's tiring to walk, and 2) That just because he'd claimed not to need those around him, that did not mean they didn't need him.   
  
Ray, for example, had begun to close in on himself a little because Michael was the Puerto Ricans best friend, and they'd known each other a hell of a long time. Now that Mr Rage Quit had pulled his head out of his arse and spent time with him again, he was opening up. Another example, Geoff, the gent had spent years upon years practically raising their British idiot, of course when that was gone he had no real outlet for his paternal instincts and had projected them on Michael instead, unbeknownst to the lad. Michael (once again prior to the removal of his head from his arse) had taken that for granted, and not considered that any state he got himself into would impact the tattooed man.  
  
Needless to say, living through your own death day makes you appreciate things a little more, most would say the birds singing or the colour of the sky. But Michael appreciated being able to make his boss laugh so hard he cried, and keeping a smile on his best friends face.   
  
Gradually, as he'd wanted, things went back to as normal as they could get. Gavin's desk still never moved, left as a memorial to the lad beside him, but Lindsay was permitted to sit there for editing and filming occasionally. Michael organised weekly Game nights with Ray, and had his ass handed to him every damn time. He made sure to reignite his ass-kissing with Geoff, because why the hell not. In general he got more involved with projects, throwing himself into RWBY, Podcasts, shorts, and even auditioned for voice acting jobs outside of the company. He went out more, drank just a little less, took some responsibility while also fucking around for giggles, and everything he did, he did in the name of Gavin Free.   
  
Grief can break you, if you let it, Michael learned. The need to mourn the love of his life would never truly go away, he would always have bad days where he just wanted to sit in his apartment alone and talk to the ceiling. But those were few and far between, so he allowed them. But on the good days, it doesn't really feel like mourning, more like honouring, and it's incredibly fulfilling.  
  
Loss is something everyone will experience, every walk of life, when it happens though; you'll always be the one who it shouldn't have happened to, because things like this don't happen to me. But they will, and it will hurt. Michael learnt from his mistakes, he learnt that the only way was forward, the path that Gavin had set for him. A long and happy life in this weird and wonderful job with his weird and wonderful friends.  
  
Who was he to say no?

 


	10. Chapter Ten: Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Get the fuck off my couch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A nice happy ending for all of you, because you're awesome and I like happy endings

"Get the fuck off my couch."  
  
For the hundredth time, Michael heard Ryan complain, and he rolled his eyes in response. He wasn't the only one either, Jack sighed, Geoff tutted, Ray laughed- of course he would. Everyone was getting tired of this argument every damn day.  
  
"Michael, get him off my couch! He's got his own seat." Ryan pleaded, the gent never normally lost his temper, and he was as level headed as anyone in the office could get without being Jack. But it was clear this annoyance was getting to him.  
  
"Gavin, get the fuck over here you piece of shit." Michael scolded, watching his boyfriend pout from his laying position on the leather sofa. He did get up though, sticking his tongue out at Ryan on his way back to the desk.  
  
"He's dead and he's still annoying." The PC guy added, sliding behind his workstation easily.

“Because it’s Gavin.” Their boss argued, sounding like he was a little amused by the situation.  
  
"Yeah, but aren't you a little glad he's here? I know I am... X-Ray and Vav!" Ray and Gavin exchanged a happy little moment, squealing and calling at each other joyfully.

“We’re ecstatic.” Was Jack’s sarcastic comment, yet a fond smile was sent in the lad’s direction.  
  
If Michael didn't know better he'd say this was too good to be true, but he knew better, and it was definitely true.  
  
It turned out that Gavin sacrificing his own free will as a dead person to save not only Michael's life but a family of five that would also have suffered in the car wreck that would kill him, counted as a good deed, and one that evidently Azrael could not send him to 'hell' or wherever he would have been placed for breaking the rules. So after a lengthy discussion about how he was not to do it again no matter what the circumstances, and how if it were up to her he'd never be allowed to walk earth again, he was given a slap on the wrist and all of his privileges returned.  
  
So six weeks ago Michael found himself with an armful of Gavin while he was in the shower.  
  
Safe to say it was the weirdest but happiest day of his life.

As confusing and elating as it was to have him back, their first night was spent full of questions and answers and kisses. Michael she'd tears of joy which were lost in the shower water, while Gavin laughed and giggled with joy. They showered compliments and love on each other, Unafraid to be as affectionate as possible despite having all the time in the world. When Gavin explained he could be here for as long as he wanted now, Michael floated the idea of exposing himself again. This time there was little to no argument.

  
Gradually, Gavin reintroduced himself into the Rooster Teeth Company.  
  
After sharing the plan with Ray, they decided Geoff and Griffon should be the first to know. With Michael's supervision, the Brit appeared to them in their home. There was another long round of explaining to do before he was pulled in for a hug by Geoff while his wife sobbed into Gavin's shoulder.  
  
After that was the rest of Achievement Hunter, Jack, Ryan, Lindsay, Caleb and Kdin where shoved into the conference room one Thursday morning, and Michael began the set-up by explaining it all. At first they thought he was insane (who wouldn't?) until from thin air came Gavin. Lindsay fainted; Michael didn't blame her, while everyone else was sort of just... Stunned. Once the details were over and done with, it was left for them to process it. Most accepted it straight away, with the exception of team same desk. Ryan and Lindsay for their own reasons took a few weeks to come around to the idea that this was still their Gavin, and the gent often avoided being in a room with him for quite a while until out of the blue when Michael came to work the two were sitting at a desk playing GTA together. He still needed to ask what happened there.  
  
Burnie and Gus and the rest of the higher ups were told soon after, and agreed with the ghost and his boyfriend that the rest of the company should be told via meeting. That meeting is something Michael will never forget, Jordan cried (though he wasn't the only one, he was the most obvious) Barbara started, and continues to this day, to make puns relating to death and ghosts. And then there was the mish-mash of other reactions from 'oh wow so cool' to 'oh god is this real?’ Everyone faired differently with the news, but now a month on and everyone was beginning to come to terms with it.  
  
Things weren't the same, they had sat together in a meeting with Matt and Burnie about how to contain the information purely to the company, and a set of rules were drawn up. Gavin was not allowed to appear in any videos, period, there was no argue room for that. Gavin was not allowed to be mentioned by anyone in a video unless the context of it was in the past and could be shrugged off as something that happened while the Brit was alive. Gavin was not to appear outside of the company building, his own home or his friends’ homes. This meant he was forbidden from attending cons and events, and had to watch those from his haven where no fans could spot him.  
  
Then there was home life, private stuff between just himself and the dead man. The biggest issue was his libido, now Michael knows that physical things are absolutely possible with Gavin, and he would love nothing better than to be able to make love to him again. But there's something in his head that says it's wrong, and so he asked his boyfriend very kindly if they don't stray into that territory. For now at least, Michael is perfectly happy just to have him there to kiss and cuddle, and occasionally have a steamy make out with. But no touching dicks.  
  
There was also the never ending argument about Gavin's family, Michael insists he should visit them too, and tell them. But he always receives the same response about how it wouldn't be helpful to his mother, she never really got over his death and he doesn't want to harm her any more by convincing her everything can be the same as before. Because it can't.  
  
He continues to see Dan, however, the other half of slow mo guys often flies to Austin to visit the company and Gavin with it, or Gavin will be kind enough to go there and see him.  
  
Gavin tells him of how they still occasionally film new videos on the sly, none have ever been released yet, but they make them. In the hopes they can convince Burnie to start up the Channel again and bullshit the audience by saying they found all the footage on an old hard drive somewhere. He hasn't said yes to date, but they still hope.  
  
But other than those minor things, everything is pretty much the same. Michael will arrive at work to find his boyfriend winding up Geoff, or messing about with Ray. He'll still ask dumb questions while they set up for a recording, and while they are capturing he simply hangs off Michael's side and watches with wide eyes, like a child in a candy shop.  
  
There are occasions Michael catches sadness in the Brit's eyes though. When he's sat silently watching a video being filmed, there's always a look of longing in his eyes. When Michael darts off to appear on the podcast, Gavin is in the control room bugging Kara with a disappointed expression.

So there's days when Michael plans something with Geoff, when he brings Gavin to his desk and hands him headphones, a mic, and a controller and tells him to be funny. They'll record videos in old games, and Michael will throw in a comment that dates the video to nearly three and a half years back. Gavin's eyes will light up with realisation and he'll throw himself into talking as much as possible. Those videos are saved, and one was released as a special edition video on Gavin's birthday. They got lots of comments about how much they missed their Brit, and how they couldn't believe they kept this for so long before releasing it.

They planned for more in the future.  
  
Michael felt like he was dreaming most days, but if he was he absolutely didn't want to wake up from it.

"Shut up Rye-Bread, you should let me do more things because I'm dead!" Gavin pouted, swinging backwards and forwards in his chair. "It bloody hurt, you pleb."

"And whose fault was that!" The gent shot back.  
  
Michael watched in amusement as something darkened in Gavin's gaze, he knew what was coming. It was the Brits new favourite trick. True to his inkling, Gavin disappeared from sight, leaving Ryan to stare at the space with a frown, his gaze turning onto Michael with a questioning gaze.  
  
"Don't look at me dude." The New Jersey lad shrugged.  
  
Ten minutes went by with no event, and Michael began to genuinely worry that Gavin had gotten upset and left. A yell from Ryan the next moment changed that idea.

Gavin's new trick was to disappear for an undetermined amount of time, and then pop up out of nowhere and scare the shit out of people. He'd had coffee or some other beverage thrown over him more times than he could count, and yesterday Michael had scolded him for nearly making Monty fall down the stairs.

Right now, Ryan was clutching his chest and glaring at the grinning Brit, who was sat by him on the sofa clutching his stomach with a laugh.

"Got you Ryan!" He cheered with a grin. Like a mischievous child as always.

"I fucking hate you."

“Yeah we all do.” Geoff sighed tiredly from his side of the room.

Sure it would never really be the same as when Gavin was alive, but it was close enough that no one wanted to complain. Gavin came to work every day and it was just as good as before, even the most sceptical of people in their company were happy to see him, and wouldn't change it back for anything.  
  
Gavin had also never looked happier or healthier in his apparition/ghost form. Last time he'd been so drained from his rescue mission he very rarely got to giggle, or spend happy time together. He was always tired and grouchy and slightly pale. Now he glowed with his joy, and Michael wouldn't see it any other way.  
  
"Hey, boi."  
  
Turning to see his British boi, Michael tucked his headphones round his neck and smiled warmly at him. "What's up?”  
  
"Nothing." He cooed, wheeling his chair closer with a sly smirk. There was a brief moment of silence before there were lips planted in his cheek and a cheeky snicker following that. "Love you."  
  
Michael's cheeks heated at the touch and he felt those wonderful butterflies in his stomach that had led to his infatuation with the man in front of him. Like Burnie had said all that time ago, Michael would never stop loving Gavin.  
  
"OTP!" Was the yell from Ray in the corner, and the rest of the room burst into laughter.  
  
"Yeah, I love you too Gavvers."

Michael had lost Gavin more times than anyone was probably supposed to lose their life partner, and now he had him back for as long as they wanted. He wasn't going to take any of this for granted.


End file.
